On the Edge

OKCupid will alert you when someone looks at your profile, sends you a message, and chooses you in their little match game.

Last night, I got a message from a guy who had been looking at my profile. Alright, I can't control that those two e-mails came in back to back, so I didn't think much of it. I signed in, read it, then signed out. A couple of minutes ago, he chose me on the match game. Apparently, I'm a hot commodity.

Here's his message:

Hey [my username], love the 2011 photos. IDK for some reason you look kinda "edgy" back then which makes me think your personality consist of a multitude of layers; am i wrong? Clearly, you have the sexy librarian persona on lock and i imagine the other sides of youare just as beautiful... I'm hoping you're open to talking to an african american guy who finds your pictures almost as attractive as your profile. Talk soon!

What makes this a little creepy to me is that when the e-mail came in about the match game, I noticed that he's listed as 39 / Male / Straight / Married.

Maybe they have an open relationship. Maybe they have an understanding...but it still feels weird when someone in a relationship calls me beautiful and attractive.

Also...edgy? Really? In jeans and a t-shirt? Really?

I Should Message Him Telling Him We're Looking for a Third

Ah, it's been a long time...but ever since I put that I'm seeing someone on OKC, I don't get a lot of messages. Of course, if I never got any messages, I wouldn't be making this update.

For example, I just got a message from this gentleman, who happens to be sixteen years older than I am:

so are you done wth your boyfriend or are you looking for someone in addition to him?

So I looked at his profile. In it, he says "if you are married, still in a relationship, or not over the last one you were in, please save us the trouble."

WHY would you message someone whose profile says she's in a relationship if one of your dealbreakers is...people in relationships? Or even if I was looking to replace my boyfriend, would you really want to date someone who would replace you before the relationship was even actually over?

Mind boggled.

Have a Nice Curves!

George Carlin did a hilarious bit about how he didn't appreciate being told to have a "nice" day:

Have a nice day, indeed! Maybe I don’t feel like having a nice day. Maybe—just maybe—I’ve had twenty-seven nice days in a row, and I’m ready for a crappy day. You never hear that, do you?

But then he explains a little bit about why he doesn't appreciate being told to have a nice day, specifically because of the word "nice."

I think what bothers me most about the whole “nice day” thing is that word “nice.” It’s a weak word. It doesn’t have a lot of character. Nice.

“Isn’t he nice? He is so nice. And she’s nice too! Isn’t that nice? How nice they are!”

I don’t care for it. It’s like “fine.” Another weak word.

It's not very descriptive, is it? It's one of those words when you can't think of another word to fill in the cracks--whatever you're describing wasn't horrible, but neither was it amazing or awesome. The dictionary defines nice as "pleasant; agreeable; satisfactory" all of which imply that something was definitely not bad, but not exactly high on the good side of the continuum, either.

There's not a lot of strength behind nice, and that's really it's purpose--you didn't really have an opinion on whatever it was you were being forced to describe, but you know you can't really have a negative opinion, so nice will suffice.

As an English speaking society, we've decided that nice is our synonym for that feeling of "eh, it's alright, I guess, if I had to say something positive, yannow...?" Everyone who uses nice realizes this, at least subconsciously, the same way we know that "she has a great personality" means she's fat and/or ugly and/or not the brightest crayon in the box and/or your best friend's sister.

So why is it that the last two messages I've received on OKCupid have told me that I have "nice curves" and "nice hair?"

I would certainly hope any man I date thinks my curves are more than just satisfactory.

Three Messages

I haven't checked my OKCupid inbox since the beginning of February, but I just got an e-mail notification that I had a message, so I went in and found three new messages! If I had gotten three new messages in a little over a month when I was still single, I would have been shocked and amazed...so of course they come when I'm not single.

Message the First

first thing i see from this site is that gun you are holding lol

Fair enough; my main profile picture is me and a Stormtrooper from last year's Dragon*Con. What's a little weird about this guy is that under the "The most private thing I'm willing to admit here" section, he has "Aliens are gods."

So that's a little weird.

Message the Second

Do like hot, passionate sex talk? I bet we could have some real fun together.....

This is yet another instance when I wonder if this ever works. I would like to know the percentage of women who would get that message and think, "You know...I really do like hot, passionate sex talk. I should definitely e-mail this guy back."

Kudos for the use of the comma after "hot," though; normally those messages are rife with illiteracy. I almost want to message the guy and ask him to talk to me slowly...grammatically...

Message the Third

I would like to be your friend and know you, I think that knowing a person is like, open a new workbook, you always learn new things

I've heard the phrase "like an open book," but I'm not entirely sure I like being compared to a workbook. For some reason, that brings back visions of those awful enrichment math books my mom used to get for me in elementary school because I struggled with multiplication and division.

A Beginner's Primer on Pickup Lines: Lesson I, Using the Same Line on Different Women for Fun and Profit

So, the first message I got wasn't really that interesting. Mr. I'm Totes Creative wrote,

Thought you'd enjoy a unique sunrise.

As far as first attempts go, that's not so bad. Not really worth posting about. It's a picture I've seen a myriad of times, so it's not particularly creative, but eh...were I still single, I probably would have responded back to him.

Then I got a follow-up five days later. No picture this time, just the text, "If I offered to buy you something important, like a gumball, would you refuse?"

Which is weird in a cute way and still not necessarily post-worthy except that when I logged into Facebook this morning, I see this as one of my friend's statuses:

[Random OKCupid dude]: If I offered to buy you something important, like a gumball, would you refuse?

Me: What's important about a gumball?

[Random OKCupid dude]: It is a sphere, similar to the earth. As a symbol of all that is beautiful, its importance should be respected in a similar manner as a tic-tac.

Bahahahaha.

I, of course, logged into OKC and verified that it was actually the same guy which, OF COURSE, it is (she had a picture of him posted in the comments to the FB status). I accidentally clicked on the guy's profile which has garnered yet another message from him:

Find me an aardvark and I might respond.

DUDE. You have responded to me THREE TIMES without me responding to you. Anyone want to give me a suggestion of how I should respond to this request for an aardvark?

Deeply, Deeply in My Soul

So...there's this theory that once a person acquires a significant other, they become significantly more attractive to the opposite sex. Whether it's an unconscious increase in confidence or pheromones or whatever, it apparently carries over to the Internet because since I got a boyfriend back in May, I've gotten absolutely no idiots sending messages to my inbox...or at least none worth posting.

Which is both depressing and impressive.

Until, of course, I got a message from this guy who I'll admit was probably just trying to amuse me, it still came off as a touch on the creepy side.

You used the word tenterhooks in a dating site.

THAT. IS. AWESOME.

I thought you should know how I felt about that. It feel it very deeply in my soul.

I really hope it was just his soul he felt it deeply in and not...er...anywhere else.

Plato Was Sexy, However...

Okay, so this isn't really a Rotten Fish, but it's from a Craigslist ad, it made me giggle, and we haven't updated in a while, so I'm sharing it with you.

I found this under the "strictly platonic" section of the Atlanta Craigslist:

Lets Stay Warm Tonite! Sexy Black Fem Seeking Sexy Black Fem! - w4w - 27 (EastSide)
Sexy and Single Black Fem is looking for her cuddle buddy!... Its getting cold outside, but we can stay in and make some good heat! I want to make this a 1 on 1.... No BBW please.
I want to hear from you tonite! Im in the Lithonia/Stn Mtn area! Put WARM PUSSY in the subject line. SO I know that you are real. Talk to you soon!~

For the reason why this is hilarious, please see this Wikipedia entry. I'll be here at home, snuggling my cat.