Thursday, December 15, 2011

A Beginner's Primer on Pickup Lines: Lesson I, Using the Same Line on Different Women for Fun and Profit

So, the first message I got wasn't really that interesting. Mr. I'm Totes Creative wrote,

Thought you'd enjoy a unique sunrise.

As far as first attempts go, that's not so bad. Not really worth posting about. It's a picture I've seen a myriad of times, so it's not particularly creative, but eh...were I still single, I probably would have responded back to him.

Then I got a follow-up five days later. No picture this time, just the text, "If I offered to buy you something important, like a gumball, would you refuse?"

Which is weird in a cute way and still not necessarily post-worthy except that when I logged into Facebook this morning, I see this as one of my friend's statuses:

[Random OKCupid dude]: If I offered to buy you something important, like a gumball, would you refuse?

Me: What's important about a gumball?

[Random OKCupid dude]: It is a sphere, similar to the earth. As a symbol of all that is beautiful, its importance should be respected in a similar manner as a tic-tac.


I, of course, logged into OKC and verified that it was actually the same guy which, OF COURSE, it is (she had a picture of him posted in the comments to the FB status). I accidentally clicked on the guy's profile which has garnered yet another message from him:

Find me an aardvark and I might respond.

DUDE. You have responded to me THREE TIMES without me responding to you. Anyone want to give me a suggestion of how I should respond to this request for an aardvark?