Saturday, January 29, 2011


I'll admit it: I'm a planner. I do well with hypothetical situations. I enjoy considering twists and turns. I plan out entire conversations in my head like I'm watching a movie. I read a guy's profile and I've already considered what color my bridesmaids' dresses would be.

However, those are all sort of up in the air, as it were. I don't actually consider the idea of any of it coming true.

On the other hand, it is January. This seems a little...more from the planning ahead department that even I do (from the Honolulu Craigslist):

Waikiki in August - 42 (Paradise)
Hello, I am going to visit Hawaii in August and was hoping to find someone special to be able to go to dinner with and show me around the island and the sites. I am single and will be travelling by myself. I am 6'1, 200 pounds, caucasian and healthy. I am divorced and have 2 sons but will be going on this vacation alone. I want to be able to relax on the beach and have no worries for a change. I ultimately want to move to Hawaii and would love to see where the better places are to live. So if anyone would like to go on a blind date with a nice guy in August please write to me.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Goofus and Gallant, Rotten Fish Style

Gentlemen, in the same vein as this video, I present a couple of rules regarding how to maintain a girl's interest.

Rule #1: Be interesting.
Rule #2: Be intelligent.
Rule #3: Don't be uninteresting.

Case in point:

Me: what do you do now?
Exhibit A: i'm making concertinas, in a small three-person workshop.
Me: what is a concertina?
Me: a little concert?
Exhibit A: a little accordion -- the little hexagonal ones they took on sailing ships
Me: you are building little accordions.
Me: that is oddly fascinating. why, pray tell, are you making concertinas?
Exhibit A: well, it just follows naturally from politics, don't you think?
Me: obviously a direct link between politics and obscure musical instruments.


Exhibit B: u like the band linking park?
Me: i do.
Exhibit B: there great live
Exhibit B: saw them with matalica and they took the consort

I rest my case.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

An Unusual Fetish (ad nauseum)

IveGotaFetish: Hey there
Me: hello
IveGotaFetish: Any guesses about my username?
Me: not a clue.
IveGotaFetish: Do you have a BP cuff?
Me: not at the moment.
IveGotaFetish: Do you know how to use one?
Me: probably not correctly.
IveGotaFetish: Are you willing to explore a somewhat unusual fetish?
Me: that usually depends on the fetish.
IveGotaFetish: I've got a nurse / BP fetish ;-)
IveGotaFetish: Would you be willing to talk about it / explore it on Yahoo or Skype?

As with most fetishes, it's not what the fetish actually is, but how the guy wants to bring it up immediately. I'm a pretty open person, but it does require a certain level of trust which I'm not sure I have with someone who...well...IMs me out of the blue wanting to talk about blood pressure cuffs and nurses.

From his profile:

Mainly just looking for a nice girl to help me explore, both through chat AND some roleplay, my rather unusual fetish. I don't really know why anyone would want to explore a fetish without some level of activity involving said fetish...... To me that's like wanting to travel the world by looking at a map. I really don't get that but whatever. I do want to learn more about it. I would also like to have some enjoyment (by way of roleplaying) during this exploration.

On the other hand, he seems almost too cerebral to even have a fetish. I get this vibe that he figures he should have a fetish, so he picked one wants to explore it. Like a convert to a new religion who isn't quite sure what the rules are yet.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Scatting in the New Year.

Happy 2011, kids. It's not exactly a Rotten Fish, but here's an uplifting Missed Connection to start things off.

To the woman who took a shit in the Northampton parking garage. - m4w - 38 (NewYearsEve. )

Yeah, this can only be going to good places.

I mean, come on!

It was like 50 paces to the nearest restroom!

I sat there in my car wondering what the hell you were up to - you spent at least 2 minutes scurrying around your parked car, looking to see if the coast was clear. I thought you were going to, like, break into someone else's car or something. Then I guessed you thought you were "safe" and hurried to the front of your car, near the third level stairwell, dropped your pants, squatted and WENT TO IT!

Anyone else picturing this? It's a little hilarious. Just a little.

For Christ's sake, woman! All the time you spent looking out for passing cars so no one would see you crapping like a dog in public, you could have hustled your lazy ass downstairs and into the building and USED THE DAMNED RESTROOM!


You tell her! That's disgusting!

Anyway - if you're free later, drop me a line. I was never more turned on in my life.

...oh. Interesting turn of events. The outrage was a great misdirection.

So why is this uplifting? Because love can truly be found anywhere. Even while you're taking a shit in a parking garage. Someone for everyone, happens when you least expect it, sometimes it smells really bad, yada yada...

Best of luck to all in the coming year!