Aloha!

I'll admit it: I'm a planner. I do well with hypothetical situations. I enjoy considering twists and turns. I plan out entire conversations in my head like I'm watching a movie. I read a guy's profile and I've already considered what color my bridesmaids' dresses would be.

However, those are all sort of up in the air, as it were. I don't actually consider the idea of any of it coming true.

On the other hand, it is January. This seems a little...more from the planning ahead department that even I do (from the Honolulu Craigslist):

Waikiki in August - 42 (Paradise)
Hello, I am going to visit Hawaii in August and was hoping to find someone special to be able to go to dinner with and show me around the island and the sites. I am single and will be travelling by myself. I am 6'1, 200 pounds, caucasian and healthy. I am divorced and have 2 sons but will be going on this vacation alone. I want to be able to relax on the beach and have no worries for a change. I ultimately want to move to Hawaii and would love to see where the better places are to live. So if anyone would like to go on a blind date with a nice guy in August please write to me.

Lacy in the Northeast

Was looking around in the Men Seeking Women section of the Philadelphia Craigslist and came across this gem:

Victorias secret - 24 (Ne)
Hey, looking for a girl to go panty shopping with. Think it would be fun for her to pick out my panties for me. Willing to buy both us new panties and other lingerie items.

So let me get this straight...this guy will take me to Victoria's Secret wherein we will shop for underwear. I will pick out underwear for him to wear. He will buy those panties as well as some new bras for me. Then we will go home and nothing more will be said of it?

Color me suspicious.

Ama's Best of Craigslist, Part II: Fetishes Ahoy!

More fun from the Philadelphia, PA Craigslist!

Attn: Flight Attendants - 41 (Airport Marriott)
I am a frequent flyer that is always treated very well in the air. Now it is my turn to pay you back. Let me help you alleviate some of the stress fro traveling. I am a business professional that is considered good looking. 5'9" 188#, with dark hair and great eyes (what others have said). Not looking for anything more than just a nice time where you are the center of attention. I derive a tremendous amount of pleasure from making you feel incredible. Please be a nonsmoker, ddf. Age, weight, and race are not of great importance.

I think my favourite part of this one is that he makes it sound like he's doing the flight attendants a huge favour by offering to shack up with them at the Airport Marriott.

I Love to Lick - m4w - 60 (Phila & Burbs)
Title says it all. I make love with my mouth and tongue front and rear, and can't get enough, and I don't look for reciprocation. I am 60, very nice looking extremely clean, and very respectful; and I am interested in a LTR. If you are interested please put the word licker in the subject line. Thank you.

The...front...and rear...of his tongue?

CFNM -- If you know what this means then I am willing to be the NM - 47 (CC-ChestnutHill-UCity-Yunk-Rox)
Hi ladies... I'm a nice, intelligent guy who enjoys CFNM... I am happy to clean your apt or studio or anything that you want me to do with me being naked and you clothed. No sex, I will just enjoy the experience and take care of myself after I have done whatever you want me to do. 47, six two, two thirty, seven and half... neatly trimmed beard and mustache, Brn Hair, Brn Eyes... I'm experienced and always anxious to please....

Before I read this posting, I had no idea what CFNM. To save you a Googling and coming across the site that I found, it means "Clothed Female Nude Male." It's a relatively tame fetish, so I'm concerned that I've never heard of it before, especially since the website I found was...well...fully stocked with all one's CFNM needs.

Also, calling the Manayunk area of Philly just "Yunk" made me giggle.

Ama’s Best of Craigslist, Part I

I know that picking on Craigslist personals is like shooting fish in a barrel, but sometimes I just can't help myself.

From the men looking for women section of the Philadelphia, PA Cragislist.

Looking for a lady who loves tickling feet - 40 (Berwyn)
I am a single professional man with a unique interest. I love having a woman tie me up and tickle torture my feet. There is nothing I can do to hold back the laughter. I also enjoy giving my partner a really good foot tickling and watching her laugh hysterically. I am searching for a woman with very ticklish feet who would like to get together on a regular basis for a few hours of stress relieving mutual tickling fun.

This is weird enough on its own, but what really put me over the edge was that he wants this to be an on-going thing. I’m thinking maybe he should try a Cuddle Party.

NEED TO RELOCATE ? - 55 (upper bucks)
Tired of paying that outragious rent need to get away for whatever reason , this economy sucks so wherever you can save we all do it , which brings me to the subject i have a very lg mobile home in upper bucks your part would be $400-$450 full facilities now for the pitch in lieu of that lowent and if the chemestry is good for us both must include sex from tome to time , if i still got your attn. im drama free you be too. like weightlifting nice home jym m/c harley of course boating and movies ( horror) very laid back semi couch potato if this sounds interesting to you lets meet and talk see what happens . Age unimportant no kids sorry attractive a big plus will only answer to those that also send pic and i will return mine , if i dont write back its probably the fact that every body has a type there looking for maybe i wont be yours either . Sorry about this being a little unorthadox but i dont hang out at clubs and im retired so i dont meet that many people and i suck at supermarkets haha.

In case you didn’t read through that block of text, here’s the synopsis: the man has a large mobile home and is looking for a roommate. The rent would be $400-450, HOWEVER, in lieu of that, if “the chemestry is good for us both must include sex from tome to time.”

So you can either pay that lowent or you can have carnal relations with a laid back semi couch potato. Be still my beating heart.

And for this last one, I’ll keep it simple:

wanna fuck now i can pick u up - 27 (any where in philly)
just wanting to fuck i can pick u up drop u off and i can host send a pic or descreiption or yuor number ill send a pic

That is just so undeniably classy.

What cracks me up the most is that he's so desperate to get laid that he'll post that ad, but he has standards so he needs to see the woman's picture first. Riiight....