Scatting in the New Year.

Happy 2011, kids. It's not exactly a Rotten Fish, but here's an uplifting Missed Connection to start things off.


To the woman who took a shit in the Northampton parking garage. - m4w - 38 (NewYearsEve. )

Yeah, this can only be going to good places.

I mean, come on!

It was like 50 paces to the nearest restroom!

I sat there in my car wondering what the hell you were up to - you spent at least 2 minutes scurrying around your parked car, looking to see if the coast was clear. I thought you were going to, like, break into someone else's car or something. Then I guessed you thought you were "safe" and hurried to the front of your car, near the third level stairwell, dropped your pants, squatted and WENT TO IT!

Anyone else picturing this? It's a little hilarious. Just a little.

For Christ's sake, woman! All the time you spent looking out for passing cars so no one would see you crapping like a dog in public, you could have hustled your lazy ass downstairs and into the building and USED THE DAMNED RESTROOM!

Sheesh!

You tell her! That's disgusting!

Anyway - if you're free later, drop me a line. I was never more turned on in my life.

...oh. Interesting turn of events. The outrage was a great misdirection.


So why is this uplifting? Because love can truly be found anywhere. Even while you're taking a shit in a parking garage. Someone for everyone, happens when you least expect it, sometimes it smells really bad, yada yada...

Best of luck to all in the coming year!

Let us create a superior army of online daters.

This happened last week, but I just remembered I forgot to share.


I got this message on OKCupid, pretty much out of nowhere.

I am just curious as to why someone with a wealth of knowledge and intellect would not want to procreate with someone of high intellectual value as yourself, to spawn a super intellectual child to better this world from it's natural regression our world is seeing in these times.

This is your business...how? I mean, other than the fact that, given the way the message was worded, his goal was to...spawn with me. (For the record, his poor sentence structure would rule him out, supposing I were actually predisposed toward procreation.)


I replied quite succinctly.

Selfishness.

Oh baby.

I do not know the genesis of this encounter, but...here you go.

I had noticed this guy sent me an IM on Yahoo! Messenger a few days ago, but I wasn't around. And I'm fairly certain he sent me a friend request, but I denied it. Yet somehow he ended up on my buddy list.


bigbaby: hi
bigbaby: how are you
bigbaby: wanna chat
me: depends. who are you?
bigbaby: james
bigbaby: from diaperspace, you added me
me: from...where?
bigbaby: do you like playpens?
me: uh... you have the wrong person.


And then Amadei had to go and link me to DiaperSpace. I can assure you I was not there. To each their own. But...dude, no. Just no.

(Honestly? Now that I think about it... I'm betting this is a guy from OKCupid who added me on Facebook, then sent me an IM on AIM and pretended he didn't know me. Creepy.)