Scatting in the New Year.

Happy 2011, kids. It's not exactly a Rotten Fish, but here's an uplifting Missed Connection to start things off.


To the woman who took a shit in the Northampton parking garage. - m4w - 38 (NewYearsEve. )

Yeah, this can only be going to good places.

I mean, come on!

It was like 50 paces to the nearest restroom!

I sat there in my car wondering what the hell you were up to - you spent at least 2 minutes scurrying around your parked car, looking to see if the coast was clear. I thought you were going to, like, break into someone else's car or something. Then I guessed you thought you were "safe" and hurried to the front of your car, near the third level stairwell, dropped your pants, squatted and WENT TO IT!

Anyone else picturing this? It's a little hilarious. Just a little.

For Christ's sake, woman! All the time you spent looking out for passing cars so no one would see you crapping like a dog in public, you could have hustled your lazy ass downstairs and into the building and USED THE DAMNED RESTROOM!

Sheesh!

You tell her! That's disgusting!

Anyway - if you're free later, drop me a line. I was never more turned on in my life.

...oh. Interesting turn of events. The outrage was a great misdirection.


So why is this uplifting? Because love can truly be found anywhere. Even while you're taking a shit in a parking garage. Someone for everyone, happens when you least expect it, sometimes it smells really bad, yada yada...

Best of luck to all in the coming year!

My new profession?

This one - 46 years old, by the way - and I had spoken once before. All he wanted to know was whether I got aroused watching men masturbate and if I'd ever had an orgasm. I told him I wasn't answering that, and he should be on his merry way elsewhere. But alas, he returned. And I was none too pleased.


porny: I see you are having a hard time breaking out of your current employment position
me: a lot of people are. and?
porny: Have you considered the adult industry?
me: no.
porny: There are great oppurtunities
porny: A lot of money can be made

Apparently it's now considered perfectly normal and polite to open a conversation with, "Oh, you're looking for a job? I think you should do porn."



me: unless any of them include staying fully clothed, no thanks.
porny: well some do
me: and there are so many adult companies here in CT, right?
porny: Well for instance, massage can be done clothed
me: that's...not really an adult industry.
porny: Yes, unless you are willing to do hand releases
me: yeah, I don't really like touching people, so no.
porny: phone sex is another possibility

And as a regular consumer of such things, you'd know.



me: is there a point to this? because from where I sit, you're just hoping it'll lead to dirty talk, and that's not going to happen.
porny: no not at all
porny: from where I sit, I think attractive women should take advantage......make some money
me: I have no issue with women who choose to do so. it's just not my thing.
porny: well, you are very attractive...thought you would want to take advantage of it

Now, forgive me, but I must go off on a tangent. Why do men assume that all women desire to use their sexuality to get ahead? I've had more than one guy say he doesn't understand why I don't just flash my boobs to get what I want. Gee, I dunno... Maybe I want to earn it with my brain? Because I do have one of those, y'know.



me: do you remember talking to me before?
porny: no, did we?
me: yes we did.
porny: Oh, sorry don't recall
porny: hope you enjoyed it
me: I didn't like your line of discussion then, and I don't like it now.

And he went away. But he'll be back. They always come back.

Look! Look how special I am!

This is a short one, but I had to share. Because it amused me.

This guy was matched with me...


I am a very unique person.

We all think we're unique. Prove it, slick.


I do not smoke or drink.

Neither do I. That's not unique. Work harder.


I do not own a single pair of jeans.

That's just weird. What do you wear? Dress pants? That's pretentious. Sweat pants? Lazy. Wind pants? Are we back in 1993? This statement is only acceptable if you wear a kilt at all times.


I dont chew gum.

My mother doesn't, either. Sticks to her dental work. And by the way...what a useless fact. Is this supposed to turn me on?


I have never had a sip of coffee, but I have all the energy in the world.

Are you trying to say you do speed? You didn't say anything about drugs...


I try to look for the best in everything and I think very differently from everyone else that I have met.

Yes, because looking at the bright side is so unlike everyone else in the world. There are only, oh, a couple billion other people who think like that. That's all.


This is the epitome of someone who tries too hard to be different, and wants everyone to know it. Thumbs down.