I wish I could say that there was some sort of preamble to this instant message, but he immediately hit me with this:
FLguy: wana hang out tonight?
Me: i'm sorry, what?
FLguy: hang out
Yes, yes, get to the point. It's not that I don't understand, it's that I don't understand.
Me: i imagine not.
FLguy: imagination is a state of mind
Translation: I get it; you are very deep.
FLguy: are you here for something serious
Me: generally, yes.
FLguy: we can have something non serious for one night
Deep like a FOX...er...no, wait.
Me: I doubt it.
FLguy: you have a good sense of putting things in perspective
It's one of my skillz; unfortunately, my skillz set does not include making weirdos go away. It was at this point that I had checked his profile and saw he was a native of Gainesville, FL.
Me: and strangely enough, i doubt i'd make it to florida and back in one night.
FLguy: i am in philly right now
Me: ah, i see.
FLguy: not gonna make you travle so far :)
FLguy: that would be rude on my part
FLguy: I am not as bad as you think :)
Me: i really have no opinion of you except that you randomly popped up and asked me to hang out
Which, I might add, is pretty frickin' bad, actually.
FLguy: well we can talk on phone a bit and if you like we can hang out else not
FLguy: and if you dont feel like giving your number you can call the hotel and ask for my room
Me: as tempting as that all is, i still have to be up early for work.
Sarcasm: Refuge of the Amadei since...whenever it is she learned to speak.
FLguy: its still early right now..I will drop you off
At this point, it was about quarter to 9pm. Even if I were the kind of girl to randomly meet someone at his hotel, it certainly wouldn't be after 9pm on a Wednesday.
Me: if your hotel's in philly, it's probably an hour from where i am anyway.
FLguy: whats your zip
FLguy: I am in sheraton near the airport if you know where that is
Me: yeah, that's like an hour.
FLguy: oh I am sorry
FLguy: i dont have a car not do I know anything abt here
Me: i'm pretty much on the other side of the city. kinda.
He doesn't have a car, but he said earlier in the conversation that he'd drop me off, so that leaves me to consider the idea that he a) is Superman, b) has a broomstick, or c) is lying about something.
FLguy: you could leave from here
I could...wait, what?
Me: ha ha
FLguy: we can have breakfast here at the hotel in the morning
Me: i find that all very unlikely.
BECAUSE I AM NOT INSANE.
FLguy: your words are amusing
Me: i'm glad you're amused.
FLguy: but its boring here
FLguy: cant you make a one time exception to travel here
FLguy: its going to be a good company
Me: exception to what?
I really wanted him to say something like "to your rule of not having sex with random guys on the Internet," but I was unfortunately not given that little fun gem.
FLguy: to hang out
Me: considering i have to get up at 6am to be at work at 7am, i'm not inclined to meet with some random person who's here for one night only.
Or at all, really, but I was trying to drive the point home.
FLguy: my sister lives in NJ so I come here sometimes
FLguy: and you are always welcome to come to florida
FLguy: anytime :)
Because him having a sister in NJ and me being welcome in FL makes me meeting him at his hotel so much less creepy.
Me: what is in gainesville?
FLguy: umm good springs and beaches are close by
FLguy: i have a car there so it wont be any problme going around
FLguy: i am an open book so
FLguy: i like you to be honest
FLguy: you have been very sweet and without any attitude
FLguy:which is not common
Me: lol thanks
Translation: I've been planning this blog post since the first thing you said.
FLguy: we can go for a drink if you like
FLguy: i wana see some places before i leave philly
Me: i'm pretty sure i'm in for the night.
Time check: It is now 9:15pm.
FLguy: philly girls are weird
FLguy: i dont know
FLguy: completely different experience
Me: lol how so?
FLguy: well they will talk to you and you might think they would hang out or so
FLguy: and in the end its "I am too tired, its very late"
FLguy: thats what I heard last time
FLguy: there is not point in being good and sweet anymore and wasting time
FLguy: it doesnt lead to anything
I don't think I gave him any indication that it could possibly lead to anything, but hey, maybe we're having two different conversations.
Me: i don't generally hang out with anyone the first time talking to them.
FLguy: everyone is different in its own way
FLguy: its not that late come on
Me: it is that late.
A sentiment I feel I have made abundantly clear during the tenure of our conversation.
Me: and i just don't randomly meet people offline for one night.
FLguy: but I dont have any other choice
FLguy: else I would have stayed here
Me: i am failing to see how that affects me at all.
FLguy: its alright
FLguy: it doesn
FLguy: i am just wasting my time I think
Me: hm. good thought.
I mean, seriously. He had talked to me for over an hour at this point and I still wasn't leaping into my car, so...
FLguy: you can feel good abt yourself right n ow
FLguy: but karma is always fair to everyone
FLguy: so it will your turn someday
Me: i doubt that karma will think that i am a bad person for not going out on a work night to meet up with a random guy at his hotel.
FLguy: well thats not the point
FLguy: but your statement was rude
FLguy: last one
You heard it here first--because I didn't pay it forward and just whip on down to the Airport Sheraton, karma is going to bite me in the ass especially as I've uttered a rude statement. But FLguy wasn't finished waxing philosophical.
FLguy: if you meet a stranger anywhere, is that the first time or you have met themin some previous life too
Me: yes, but if i meet someone in, say, the mall, i can already see that they are perhaps not an axe murderer whereas random people on the internet could be completely different from how
FLguy: I mean you girls say it all the time " I dont meet strangers or I dont talk to them"..are you girls born here with friends
HE HAS FIGURED US ALL OUT, LADIES! The reason we need to go to the bathroom in groups is because we're born with all the friends we'll ever have and WE CANNOT RISK LOSING ONE.
Me: and really none of that trumps that i have to be at work at 7am.
Which, strangely enough, is really all I was trying to get him to acknowledge. It became almost like a game. But let's move on from philosophy to criminal justice:
FLguy: well then you need to put more attention to the current events
FLguy: most of the victims are not from online
FLguy:but from someone who knew them very closely
FLguy: go watch forensic files on tru tv
FLguy: it will give you some idea on what basis most cases are based
FLguy: and its not some bullshit like CSI
FLguy: its a 100% true event
Me: i've seen it.
FLguy: i thought most of you girls only watch what lindsey lohan is doing or which club paris hilton is going to
FLguy: i didnt know some of you actually watch those kind of "boring" shows
Me: ha ha. very funny.
After that, I didn't really feel inspired to talk with him anymore.