OMG HI!
I've been disenchanted with online dating lately, hence the lack of posting. But here's a story for everyone.
I got an email saying someone had added me to their favorites on OkCupid. I was in the middle of something, so I didn't check his profile right away. Then I got a message directly from him, so I figured I'd read it. On my way to doing so, I got a friend request on Facebook from some random guy. Understandably, I was a little confused.
So I go to read the message...
Hello. :) Judging from what I see on your profile, I'm very interested. [where I live] isn't too far I guess. If this ok cupid thing seems too lame we could connect on facebook as I'm on there everyday.(just send me the link to your page or whatever) So what do you think? You can check out my profile and if you have any questions, I'd be happy to answer them for you. (I just made my profile today as it turns out, so my apologies if its not complete)
Yeah, this was the dude that just sent me the friend request. Now... I used to link to my Facebook in my OkCupid profile. I don't anymore. I do share my first name, and obviously my location. I'm not especially hard to find if you want to go looking for me on Facebook, and most of my information is private anyway. But the act of asking me if I want to connect on Facebook, and then going to add me BEFORE I've answered the question... That's a little too eager for me. Not quite creepy. Just overzealous. So I replied:
Look... You seem like a nice guy. But I don't really appreciate you searching for me on Facebook like that without giving me a chance to even say if I was interested. That's pretty invasive. So I don't think so. But good luck with everything.
He really didn't seem like a bad guy, honestly. I just didn't like him jumping the gun. That's all. But of course he had to get defensive...
lol. My apologies. It's just that your name was here, combined with being from [where I'm from] and a recognition of your face from your profile here. Sorry if that came out creepy but, I thought I'd just send a request. I'm not going to stalk you or become obsessed with you because of that. No need to overreact. lol
That's fine if you're not interested, but you don't get to control how people respond to you here or who they choose to send requests to on facebook.
I don't think I overreacted. Overreacting is "OMG YOU CREEP I'M CALLING THE POLICE!!!" Nor did I say it was a necessarily wrong thing to do. Just not something that I was fond of. And if he had just replied with, "Okay, I can understand that, let's forget about it"... Different conversation. I said...
I wasn't trying to control anything. You have every right to do it, and I have every right not to like it and to say so. That's all.
But that's not all!
Well, its just that you seemed to react a little too strongly to something that was pretty damn innocent. That's all I'm saying. So if that's all it takes to ruin this, then wow, that's amazingly shallow but whatever, if that's what you want, I'm not going to argue with you all night over it.
First of all: How are we defining "strongly"? I was incredibly calm. Second, what is "this" that we're ruining? The nonexistent relationship we have because we literally just "met"? But how does that make me "shallow"? And where is the "argument"? SO MANY QUESTIONS.
I have no plans to argue anything. It bothered me, I said it bothered me, I told you good luck, and that was that.
And, mercifully, that was, indeed, that.
Am I wrong here? Am I a little too harsh? Am I just looking for reasons not to like people? Am I or am I not the walrus, goo goo g'joob?
Showing posts with label speed dating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label speed dating. Show all posts
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Sunday, April 24, 2011
BDSMwhat?
I logged onto OKCupid for the first time in forever this evening and saw that I had a message. Usually, messages get sent to my e-mail, too, so I was a little confused until I saw that it was just someone saving my profile as a favorite. Curious, I went to his profile to see what I could see.
The second paragraph of his "My self-summary" section threw me off for a second because it was a little odd:
***Other sections below elaborate on intent and talk a little about me. Please read the last half to get to know me a bit better..
A couple of paragraphs later, it continues with
Again. Please read the entire profile. This is a great forum to get it all out there so to speak. You can't say the things I am saying here when you first meet a girl. That said... read the end to get to know me a bit better outside of the 'top' of this profile.
O...kay. Yes, I'm going to read the whole profile, but why are you so insistent, dude?
When we go into the bedroom to fuck this is what you should expect:
OH! Well, that was...er...unexpected, but please, tell me what I should expect when we...go into the bedroom to fuck.
All discipline will be enforced in the bedroom... outside the bedroom I am very laid back... but would love to explore a D/s relationship.. ;) I enjoy rough kinky sex. I am very controlling in bed and am looking for a total service whore in bed. Outside of bed... good times always.
He would love to "explore" a D/s relationship? Much of the profile goes on with exactly how the woman should expect to be spanked, do as she's told, and perform as a "total whore." This goes on for...well...if I printed it out, I'd say it'd take up a good two pages.
You should expect to be fucked up your ass if you can accommodate me. If you can not your ass will be teased and fingered a bit. It will be nice if we get along and get close/tested to come in your ass every now and then. You will also be expected to take cum on your face and lips.
Nothing but class this one.
But, really, I don't see anything morally or ethically or even sexually wrong with BDSM; it's more that his profile switches from the above to stuff like this...
I am very skilled in mathematics and computer sciences.
...then back to this...
*You should be very submissive in the bedroom. You should be clean and intelligent.
...without so much as a how's your father.
And then after his several paragraph description of how, exactly, she's going to take it, he hardly bothers to fill out any of the other fields. For example, his "I'm really good at" section?
I'm kinda complicated with all the things I do to make a living. All totally legal :) ... I may spread myself a bit thin... but I make good cash. Word.
Word indeed, sir. I think, however, that I shall pass.
The second paragraph of his "My self-summary" section threw me off for a second because it was a little odd:
***Other sections below elaborate on intent and talk a little about me. Please read the last half to get to know me a bit better..
A couple of paragraphs later, it continues with
Again. Please read the entire profile. This is a great forum to get it all out there so to speak. You can't say the things I am saying here when you first meet a girl. That said... read the end to get to know me a bit better outside of the 'top' of this profile.
O...kay. Yes, I'm going to read the whole profile, but why are you so insistent, dude?
When we go into the bedroom to fuck this is what you should expect:
OH! Well, that was...er...unexpected, but please, tell me what I should expect when we...go into the bedroom to fuck.
All discipline will be enforced in the bedroom... outside the bedroom I am very laid back... but would love to explore a D/s relationship.. ;) I enjoy rough kinky sex. I am very controlling in bed and am looking for a total service whore in bed. Outside of bed... good times always.
He would love to "explore" a D/s relationship? Much of the profile goes on with exactly how the woman should expect to be spanked, do as she's told, and perform as a "total whore." This goes on for...well...if I printed it out, I'd say it'd take up a good two pages.
You should expect to be fucked up your ass if you can accommodate me. If you can not your ass will be teased and fingered a bit. It will be nice if we get along and get close/tested to come in your ass every now and then. You will also be expected to take cum on your face and lips.
Nothing but class this one.
But, really, I don't see anything morally or ethically or even sexually wrong with BDSM; it's more that his profile switches from the above to stuff like this...
I am very skilled in mathematics and computer sciences.
...then back to this...
*You should be very submissive in the bedroom. You should be clean and intelligent.
...without so much as a how's your father.
And then after his several paragraph description of how, exactly, she's going to take it, he hardly bothers to fill out any of the other fields. For example, his "I'm really good at" section?
I'm kinda complicated with all the things I do to make a living. All totally legal :) ... I may spread myself a bit thin... but I make good cash. Word.
Word indeed, sir. I think, however, that I shall pass.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
An Unusual Fetish (ad nauseum)
IveGotaFetish: Hey there
Me: hello
IveGotaFetish: Any guesses about my username?
Me: not a clue.
IveGotaFetish: Do you have a BP cuff?
Me: not at the moment.
IveGotaFetish: Do you know how to use one?
Me: probably not correctly.
IveGotaFetish: Are you willing to explore a somewhat unusual fetish?
Me: that usually depends on the fetish.
IveGotaFetish: I've got a nurse / BP fetish ;-)
IveGotaFetish: Would you be willing to talk about it / explore it on Yahoo or Skype?
As with most fetishes, it's not what the fetish actually is, but how the guy wants to bring it up immediately. I'm a pretty open person, but it does require a certain level of trust which I'm not sure I have with someone who...well...IMs me out of the blue wanting to talk about blood pressure cuffs and nurses.
From his profile:
Mainly just looking for a nice girl to help me explore, both through chat AND some roleplay, my rather unusual fetish. I don't really know why anyone would want to explore a fetish without some level of activity involving said fetish...... To me that's like wanting to travel the world by looking at a map. I really don't get that but whatever. I do want to learn more about it. I would also like to have some enjoyment (by way of roleplaying) during this exploration.
On the other hand, he seems almost too cerebral to even have a fetish. I get this vibe that he figures he should have a fetish, so he picked one and...now wants to explore it. Like a convert to a new religion who isn't quite sure what the rules are yet.
Me: hello
IveGotaFetish: Any guesses about my username?
Me: not a clue.
IveGotaFetish: Do you have a BP cuff?
Me: not at the moment.
IveGotaFetish: Do you know how to use one?
Me: probably not correctly.
IveGotaFetish: Are you willing to explore a somewhat unusual fetish?
Me: that usually depends on the fetish.
IveGotaFetish: I've got a nurse / BP fetish ;-)
IveGotaFetish: Would you be willing to talk about it / explore it on Yahoo or Skype?
As with most fetishes, it's not what the fetish actually is, but how the guy wants to bring it up immediately. I'm a pretty open person, but it does require a certain level of trust which I'm not sure I have with someone who...well...IMs me out of the blue wanting to talk about blood pressure cuffs and nurses.
From his profile:
Mainly just looking for a nice girl to help me explore, both through chat AND some roleplay, my rather unusual fetish. I don't really know why anyone would want to explore a fetish without some level of activity involving said fetish...... To me that's like wanting to travel the world by looking at a map. I really don't get that but whatever. I do want to learn more about it. I would also like to have some enjoyment (by way of roleplaying) during this exploration.
On the other hand, he seems almost too cerebral to even have a fetish. I get this vibe that he figures he should have a fetish, so he picked one and...now wants to explore it. Like a convert to a new religion who isn't quite sure what the rules are yet.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
The Later It Gets, the Less Likely I Am to Change Out of My PJs
I wish I could say that there was some sort of preamble to this instant message, but he immediately hit me with this:
FLguy: wana hang out tonight?
Me: i'm sorry, what?
FLguy: hang out
Yes, yes, get to the point. It's not that I don't understand, it's that I don't understand.
Me: i imagine not.
FLguy: imagination is a state of mind
Me: indeed.
Translation: I get it; you are very deep.
FLguy: are you here for something serious
Me: generally, yes.
FLguy: we can have something non serious for one night
Deep like a FOX...er...no, wait.
Me: I doubt it.
FLguy: haha
FLguy: you have a good sense of putting things in perspective
It's one of my skillz; unfortunately, my skillz set does not include making weirdos go away. It was at this point that I had checked his profile and saw he was a native of Gainesville, FL.
Me: and strangely enough, i doubt i'd make it to florida and back in one night.
FLguy: i am in philly right now
Me: ah, i see.
FLguy: not gonna make you travle so far :)
FLguy: that would be rude on my part
Me: lol
FLguy: I am not as bad as you think :)
Me: i really have no opinion of you except that you randomly popped up and asked me to hang out
Which, I might add, is pretty frickin' bad, actually.
FLguy: well we can talk on phone a bit and if you like we can hang out else not
FLguy: and if you dont feel like giving your number you can call the hotel and ask for my room
Me: as tempting as that all is, i still have to be up early for work.
Sarcasm: Refuge of the Amadei since...whenever it is she learned to speak.
FLguy: its still early right now..I will drop you off
At this point, it was about quarter to 9pm. Even if I were the kind of girl to randomly meet someone at his hotel, it certainly wouldn't be after 9pm on a Wednesday.
Me: lol
Me: if your hotel's in philly, it's probably an hour from where i am anyway.
FLguy: whats your zip
FLguy: I am in sheraton near the airport if you know where that is
Me: yeah, that's like an hour.
FLguy: oh I am sorry
FLguy: i dont have a car not do I know anything abt here
Me: i'm pretty much on the other side of the city. kinda.
He doesn't have a car, but he said earlier in the conversation that he'd drop me off, so that leaves me to consider the idea that he a) is Superman, b) has a broomstick, or c) is lying about something.
FLguy: you could leave from here
I could...wait, what?
Me: ha ha
FLguy: we can have breakfast here at the hotel in the morning
Me: i find that all very unlikely.
BECAUSE I AM NOT INSANE.
FLguy: your words are amusing
Me: i'm glad you're amused.
FLguy: sometimes
FLguy: but its boring here
FLguy: cant you make a one time exception to travel here
FLguy: its going to be a good company
Me: exception to what?
I really wanted him to say something like "to your rule of not having sex with random guys on the Internet," but I was unfortunately not given that little fun gem.
FLguy: to hang out
Me: considering i have to get up at 6am to be at work at 7am, i'm not inclined to meet with some random person who's here for one night only.
Or at all, really, but I was trying to drive the point home.
FLguy: my sister lives in NJ so I come here sometimes
Me: ah.
FLguy: yea
FLguy: and you are always welcome to come to florida
FLguy: anytime :)
Because him having a sister in NJ and me being welcome in FL makes me meeting him at his hotel so much less creepy.
Me: what is in gainesville?
FLguy: umm good springs and beaches are close by
FLguy: i have a car there so it wont be any problme going around
FLguy: lol
FLguy: i am an open book so
FLguy: i like you to be honest
FLguy: you have been very sweet and without any attitude
FLguy:which is not common
Me: lol thanks
Translation: I've been planning this blog post since the first thing you said.
FLguy: we can go for a drink if you like
FLguy: i wana see some places before i leave philly
Me: i'm pretty sure i'm in for the night.
Time check: It is now 9:15pm.
FLguy: philly girls are weird
FLguy: i dont know
FLguy: completely different experience
Me: lol how so?
FLguy: well they will talk to you and you might think they would hang out or so
FLguy: and in the end its "I am too tired, its very late"
FLguy: thats what I heard last time
FLguy: there is not point in being good and sweet anymore and wasting time
FLguy: it doesnt lead to anything
I don't think I gave him any indication that it could possibly lead to anything, but hey, maybe we're having two different conversations.
Me: i don't generally hang out with anyone the first time talking to them.
FLguy: everyone is different in its own way
Me: indeed
FLguy: its not that late come on
Me: it is that late.
A sentiment I feel I have made abundantly clear during the tenure of our conversation.
Me: and i just don't randomly meet people offline for one night.
FLguy: but I dont have any other choice
FLguy: else I would have stayed here
Me: i am failing to see how that affects me at all.
FLguy: its alright
FLguy: it doesn
FLguy: i am just wasting my time I think
Me: hm. good thought.
I mean, seriously. He had talked to me for over an hour at this point and I still wasn't leaping into my car, so...
FLguy: you can feel good abt yourself right n ow
FLguy: but karma is always fair to everyone
FLguy: so it will your turn someday
Me: i doubt that karma will think that i am a bad person for not going out on a work night to meet up with a random guy at his hotel.
FLguy: well thats not the point
FLguy: but your statement was rude
FLguy: last one
Me: hm.
You heard it here first--because I didn't pay it forward and just whip on down to the Airport Sheraton, karma is going to bite me in the ass especially as I've uttered a rude statement. But FLguy wasn't finished waxing philosophical.
FLguy: if you meet a stranger anywhere, is that the first time or you have met themin some previous life too
Me: yes, but if i meet someone in, say, the mall, i can already see that they are perhaps not an axe murderer whereas random people on the internet could be completely different from how
FLguy: I mean you girls say it all the time " I dont meet strangers or I dont talk to them"..are you girls born here with friends
HE HAS FIGURED US ALL OUT, LADIES! The reason we need to go to the bathroom in groups is because we're born with all the friends we'll ever have and WE CANNOT RISK LOSING ONE.
Me: and really none of that trumps that i have to be at work at 7am.
Which, strangely enough, is really all I was trying to get him to acknowledge. It became almost like a game. But let's move on from philosophy to criminal justice:
FLguy: well then you need to put more attention to the current events
FLguy: most of the victims are not from online
FLguy:but from someone who knew them very closely
Me: lol
FLguy: go watch forensic files on tru tv
FLguy: it will give you some idea on what basis most cases are based
FLguy: and its not some bullshit like CSI
FLguy: its a 100% true event
Me: i've seen it.
FLguy: oh
FLguy: i thought most of you girls only watch what lindsey lohan is doing or which club paris hilton is going to
FLguy: i didnt know some of you actually watch those kind of "boring" shows
Me: ha ha. very funny.
After that, I didn't really feel inspired to talk with him anymore.
FLguy: wana hang out tonight?
Me: i'm sorry, what?
FLguy: hang out
Yes, yes, get to the point. It's not that I don't understand, it's that I don't understand.
Me: i imagine not.
FLguy: imagination is a state of mind
Me: indeed.
Translation: I get it; you are very deep.
FLguy: are you here for something serious
Me: generally, yes.
FLguy: we can have something non serious for one night
Deep like a FOX...er...no, wait.
Me: I doubt it.
FLguy: haha
FLguy: you have a good sense of putting things in perspective
It's one of my skillz; unfortunately, my skillz set does not include making weirdos go away. It was at this point that I had checked his profile and saw he was a native of Gainesville, FL.
Me: and strangely enough, i doubt i'd make it to florida and back in one night.
FLguy: i am in philly right now
Me: ah, i see.
FLguy: not gonna make you travle so far :)
FLguy: that would be rude on my part
Me: lol
FLguy: I am not as bad as you think :)
Me: i really have no opinion of you except that you randomly popped up and asked me to hang out
Which, I might add, is pretty frickin' bad, actually.
FLguy: well we can talk on phone a bit and if you like we can hang out else not
FLguy: and if you dont feel like giving your number you can call the hotel and ask for my room
Me: as tempting as that all is, i still have to be up early for work.
Sarcasm: Refuge of the Amadei since...whenever it is she learned to speak.
FLguy: its still early right now..I will drop you off
At this point, it was about quarter to 9pm. Even if I were the kind of girl to randomly meet someone at his hotel, it certainly wouldn't be after 9pm on a Wednesday.
Me: lol
Me: if your hotel's in philly, it's probably an hour from where i am anyway.
FLguy: whats your zip
FLguy: I am in sheraton near the airport if you know where that is
Me: yeah, that's like an hour.
FLguy: oh I am sorry
FLguy: i dont have a car not do I know anything abt here
Me: i'm pretty much on the other side of the city. kinda.
He doesn't have a car, but he said earlier in the conversation that he'd drop me off, so that leaves me to consider the idea that he a) is Superman, b) has a broomstick, or c) is lying about something.
FLguy: you could leave from here
I could...wait, what?
Me: ha ha
FLguy: we can have breakfast here at the hotel in the morning
Me: i find that all very unlikely.
BECAUSE I AM NOT INSANE.
FLguy: your words are amusing
Me: i'm glad you're amused.
FLguy: sometimes
FLguy: but its boring here
FLguy: cant you make a one time exception to travel here
FLguy: its going to be a good company
Me: exception to what?
I really wanted him to say something like "to your rule of not having sex with random guys on the Internet," but I was unfortunately not given that little fun gem.
FLguy: to hang out
Me: considering i have to get up at 6am to be at work at 7am, i'm not inclined to meet with some random person who's here for one night only.
Or at all, really, but I was trying to drive the point home.
FLguy: my sister lives in NJ so I come here sometimes
Me: ah.
FLguy: yea
FLguy: and you are always welcome to come to florida
FLguy: anytime :)
Because him having a sister in NJ and me being welcome in FL makes me meeting him at his hotel so much less creepy.
Me: what is in gainesville?
FLguy: umm good springs and beaches are close by
FLguy: i have a car there so it wont be any problme going around
FLguy: lol
FLguy: i am an open book so
FLguy: i like you to be honest
FLguy: you have been very sweet and without any attitude
FLguy:which is not common
Me: lol thanks
Translation: I've been planning this blog post since the first thing you said.
FLguy: we can go for a drink if you like
FLguy: i wana see some places before i leave philly
Me: i'm pretty sure i'm in for the night.
Time check: It is now 9:15pm.
FLguy: philly girls are weird
FLguy: i dont know
FLguy: completely different experience
Me: lol how so?
FLguy: well they will talk to you and you might think they would hang out or so
FLguy: and in the end its "I am too tired, its very late"
FLguy: thats what I heard last time
FLguy: there is not point in being good and sweet anymore and wasting time
FLguy: it doesnt lead to anything
I don't think I gave him any indication that it could possibly lead to anything, but hey, maybe we're having two different conversations.
Me: i don't generally hang out with anyone the first time talking to them.
FLguy: everyone is different in its own way
Me: indeed
FLguy: its not that late come on
Me: it is that late.
A sentiment I feel I have made abundantly clear during the tenure of our conversation.
Me: and i just don't randomly meet people offline for one night.
FLguy: but I dont have any other choice
FLguy: else I would have stayed here
Me: i am failing to see how that affects me at all.
FLguy: its alright
FLguy: it doesn
FLguy: i am just wasting my time I think
Me: hm. good thought.
I mean, seriously. He had talked to me for over an hour at this point and I still wasn't leaping into my car, so...
FLguy: you can feel good abt yourself right n ow
FLguy: but karma is always fair to everyone
FLguy: so it will your turn someday
Me: i doubt that karma will think that i am a bad person for not going out on a work night to meet up with a random guy at his hotel.
FLguy: well thats not the point
FLguy: but your statement was rude
FLguy: last one
Me: hm.
You heard it here first--because I didn't pay it forward and just whip on down to the Airport Sheraton, karma is going to bite me in the ass especially as I've uttered a rude statement. But FLguy wasn't finished waxing philosophical.
FLguy: if you meet a stranger anywhere, is that the first time or you have met themin some previous life too
Me: yes, but if i meet someone in, say, the mall, i can already see that they are perhaps not an axe murderer whereas random people on the internet could be completely different from how
FLguy: I mean you girls say it all the time " I dont meet strangers or I dont talk to them"..are you girls born here with friends
HE HAS FIGURED US ALL OUT, LADIES! The reason we need to go to the bathroom in groups is because we're born with all the friends we'll ever have and WE CANNOT RISK LOSING ONE.
Me: and really none of that trumps that i have to be at work at 7am.
Which, strangely enough, is really all I was trying to get him to acknowledge. It became almost like a game. But let's move on from philosophy to criminal justice:
FLguy: well then you need to put more attention to the current events
FLguy: most of the victims are not from online
FLguy:but from someone who knew them very closely
Me: lol
FLguy: go watch forensic files on tru tv
FLguy: it will give you some idea on what basis most cases are based
FLguy: and its not some bullshit like CSI
FLguy: its a 100% true event
Me: i've seen it.
FLguy: oh
FLguy: i thought most of you girls only watch what lindsey lohan is doing or which club paris hilton is going to
FLguy: i didnt know some of you actually watch those kind of "boring" shows
Me: ha ha. very funny.
After that, I didn't really feel inspired to talk with him anymore.
Friday, July 2, 2010
I'm not sure I'm clear on your intent...
Generally, I appreciate people who are direct. In this instance...not so much.
Hey how are you? I want to have lots of rough dirty sex with you. Then get you pregnant.
...well then. I guess at least he asked me how I was first.
My reply:
I'm celibate and infertile, sorry.
Hey how are you? I want to have lots of rough dirty sex with you. Then get you pregnant.
...well then. I guess at least he asked me how I was first.
My reply:
I'm celibate and infertile, sorry.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Able to Pass Voight-Kampff: Y/N?
Having sent out quite a few messages on OKCupid in my time, I know there's a fine line between sounding like a robot and sounding like a stalker. What I didn't realize is that it's possible to sound like both at the same, but a fellow who just messaged me disabused me of any prior notion I might have had:
Subject: Hi
Body: Just wanted to say hi and that I liked what you wrote. Also, was wondering what is your meaning of life?
Body: Just wanted to say hi and that I liked what you wrote. Also, was wondering what is your meaning of life?
I will never doubt again.
Monday, June 21, 2010
IRMEDD420 III: The Curse of IRMEDD420
I love it when I have repeat offenders.
Keep in mind that the conversation to this point has been him calling me "baby," then telling me which of the pictures on my profile he liked the best.
Me: should i be?
IRMEDD420: i think you should wanna go out
IRMEDD420: :)
Me: why's that?
IRMEDD420: b/c as i said your sexy
Apparently, the gentleman thinks that mama raised a fool. I did attempt to clarify, though...
Me: i should want to go out with you because you said i'm sexy?
IRMEDD420: lol
Me: i should want to go out with you because you said i'm sexy?
IRMEDD420: lol
But, but, but isn't that what he just implied? It's times like these when I question my own reading comprehension.
IRMEDD420: uh i would hope you'd be attracted to me as well?
Me: so i should go out with you because you said i'm sexy and you hope i'd be attracted to you?
IRMEDD420: uh i would hope you'd be attracted to me as well?
Me: so i should go out with you because you said i'm sexy and you hope i'd be attracted to you?
All I'm looking for is an answer--a simple, succinct answer...
IRMEDD420: listen...do you meet many people here?
Apparently, he thinks he's Socrates: "I will answer your question by asking you a question."
Me: a fair amount, i'd say.
This is a lie. In the year I've frequented OKCupid, I have met a grand total of four men. I wonder why that could possibly be.
IRMEDD420: how? when you try tp be all superior and act bitchy?
IRMEDD420: damn
IRMEDD420: how? when you try tp be all superior and act bitchy?
IRMEDD420: damn
Oh, right. That's why.
Me: i'm just trying to make sure i understand what you're asking!
Me: i'm just trying to make sure i understand what you're asking!
That's a lie, too. I be trollin', I be hatin'...
IRMEDD420: just cause your sexy doesnt mean you can act pretentious
Me: why not?
IRMEDD420: seriously?
IRMEDD420: just cause your sexy doesnt mean you can act pretentious
Me: why not?
IRMEDD420: seriously?
Me: how can you even question my seriousness?
IRMEDD420: b/c its okc aND WE HAVE NO inflection WE JUST TYPE
Me: fair enough.
They be hatin'...on my trollin'...
IRMEDD420:well i got other women dieing to abuse me lol
Me: i am sure.
IRMEDD420:well i got other women dieing to abuse me lol
Me: i am sure.
Oh, you wanted an argument? I'm sorry; this is abuse. You'll want room 12A.
IRMEDD420:go be all snooty by your lonesome bitch
Somehow, I'm pretty sure that a couple of AAs and my right hand will give me more satisfaction than he ever could.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Let us create a superior army of online daters.
This happened last week, but I just remembered I forgot to share.
I got this message on OKCupid, pretty much out of nowhere.
I am just curious as to why someone with a wealth of knowledge and intellect would not want to procreate with someone of high intellectual value as yourself, to spawn a super intellectual child to better this world from it's natural regression our world is seeing in these times.
This is your business...how? I mean, other than the fact that, given the way the message was worded, his goal was to...spawn with me. (For the record, his poor sentence structure would rule him out, supposing I were actually predisposed toward procreation.)
I replied quite succinctly.
Selfishness.
I got this message on OKCupid, pretty much out of nowhere.
I am just curious as to why someone with a wealth of knowledge and intellect would not want to procreate with someone of high intellectual value as yourself, to spawn a super intellectual child to better this world from it's natural regression our world is seeing in these times.
This is your business...how? I mean, other than the fact that, given the way the message was worded, his goal was to...spawn with me. (For the record, his poor sentence structure would rule him out, supposing I were actually predisposed toward procreation.)
I replied quite succinctly.
Selfishness.
Friday, June 4, 2010
I Don't Want Clever Conversation, Never Want to Work that Hard
Silly me thinking I could turn on the OKCupid IM client and think that someone worth talking to would IM me. The first guy said, and I quote
Him: sexy lips
Me: i'm sorry?
He didn't say anything more after that, but I checked out his profile, and it says, "My perfect match would be someone who can keep up with me , someone smart, fit, cute, playful and driven... resulting in a very strong power couple :)"
Just the phrase "resulting in a very strong power couple" disturbs me deep within to the cockles of my heart.
The second guy just started off with this onslaught:
Hi, my name is [redacted] and i'm a good guy with a big heart. I am looking for someone who like to held hands, go for walks, out to dinner, see a movie, or spend a night dancing. I am looking for someone who likes affection and wants me to make her feel special.
While I am not opposed to any of those activities, it's a lot of information on one IM, right? But he continued...
Dude: i like you
Dude: i want to meet you and hang out with you and go uot with you
Dude: as a friend and a girlfriend to date me
I really have not the words. This is getting a little too hot and heavy for me too quickly. Next!
Feets: i have got backpain today
Me: that's no good! why?
Feets: been on the chair for long time
Me: ah
Feets: ur feet r free the now ?
Me: my feet?
Feets: yeah
Me: they aren't in shoes, if that's what you mean. lol
Feets: lol
Feets: no
Feets: i nee dur feet to trample my back
What...what? Okay, I am so over this. I don't care that it's not even nine o'clock yet. I am SO going to bed.
Him: sexy lips
Me: i'm sorry?
He didn't say anything more after that, but I checked out his profile, and it says, "My perfect match would be someone who can keep up with me , someone smart, fit, cute, playful and driven... resulting in a very strong power couple :)"
Just the phrase "resulting in a very strong power couple" disturbs me deep within to the cockles of my heart.
The second guy just started off with this onslaught:
Hi, my name is [redacted] and i'm a good guy with a big heart. I am looking for someone who like to held hands, go for walks, out to dinner, see a movie, or spend a night dancing. I am looking for someone who likes affection and wants me to make her feel special.
While I am not opposed to any of those activities, it's a lot of information on one IM, right? But he continued...
Dude: i like you
Dude: i want to meet you and hang out with you and go uot with you
Dude: as a friend and a girlfriend to date me
I really have not the words. This is getting a little too hot and heavy for me too quickly. Next!
Feets: i have got backpain today
Me: that's no good! why?
Feets: been on the chair for long time
Me: ah
Feets: ur feet r free the now ?
Me: my feet?
Feets: yeah
Me: they aren't in shoes, if that's what you mean. lol
Feets: lol
Feets: no
Feets: i nee dur feet to trample my back
What...what? Okay, I am so over this. I don't care that it's not even nine o'clock yet. I am SO going to bed.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Know what sucks? Fun. Fun sucks.
I do so enjoy when they don't even start with "hello."
funguy: dtf?
me: ...huh?
funguy: down to fuck
me: considering I didn't even know what that meant, I'm gonna go with no.
...seriously? Do people actually say that? Are we that lazy now? Is this the "sexting" kids do?
funguy: oh do u like to have fun?
me: no, I hate it. what kind of question is that?
It's absolutely appalling how many times I've said this to people. Usually they're trying to ask if I want to fool around with them, because apparently that's synonymous for "fun" these days.
funguy: lol well i mean do u like to meet nice guys and have fun with them
me: and what do you consider "fun"?
funguy: getting to know u and u me, talking really getting to know one another, laughing smiling
Here he has described "dating." Which, when done correctly, does have the potential to be fun.
me: again...what kind of question is that? sounds like an awful time to me.
funguy: oh ok, well pce
His sarcasm detector is broken, it would seem. And I didn't know it was that difficult to type "peace."
Naturally, I needed to have the last word.
me: work on some better openers, dude.
funguy: dtf?
me: ...huh?
funguy: down to fuck
me: considering I didn't even know what that meant, I'm gonna go with no.
...seriously? Do people actually say that? Are we that lazy now? Is this the "sexting" kids do?
funguy: oh do u like to have fun?
me: no, I hate it. what kind of question is that?
It's absolutely appalling how many times I've said this to people. Usually they're trying to ask if I want to fool around with them, because apparently that's synonymous for "fun" these days.
funguy: lol well i mean do u like to meet nice guys and have fun with them
me: and what do you consider "fun"?
funguy: getting to know u and u me, talking really getting to know one another, laughing smiling
Here he has described "dating." Which, when done correctly, does have the potential to be fun.
me: again...what kind of question is that? sounds like an awful time to me.
funguy: oh ok, well pce
His sarcasm detector is broken, it would seem. And I didn't know it was that difficult to type "peace."
Naturally, I needed to have the last word.
me: work on some better openers, dude.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Quality Bachelors.
Welcome to CraigsList, Western Massachusetts!
So here is the deal I am utterly obsessed with the rain forest and I want out of the US. The idea is simple. My family has property in Costa Rica. To become a citizen can be a hassle. Unless, your child is born in the country, then you can apply to stay there pretty readily. If you are currently pregnant and in a bad situation or if you just want out of here for a few years in a tropical paradise or want to start a family, what ever reasoning might work for you. Let me know. Everything there is fairly cheap and simple there. I am not saying living like a gods is going to happen, but comfortable an lets face it if you have to live comfortable where is nicer the rain forest and tropics or where ever you are now.
Oh yeah. That's a perfect plan for the woman. Leave the country and raise a child with a total stranger. Hope she knows someone who can perform a background check...
Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.
If smelling one another is enough, I've been in love with a couple hundred people. Probably more. God, I'm a slut.
Are you ugly, fat, old, nerdy, or even handicapped? Have you lost all hope of ever getting layed?Well I'm here to help. I'm 37,and a little on the chunky side, but what I lack in looks I more than make up for with the tounge action. (not sayin I'm ugly but I'm no Brad Pitt) I will discreetly come to your house or hotel, and make with the nice nice. Just drop me a line and/or a pic and we'll talk.
So this is, essentially, a pity fuck from a guy who would typically be the recipient of a pity fuck. Awfully nice stroke to the ego, isn't it, Not Brad Pitt?
I'm a fairly young Professor (in my 30s) at an Amherst college, who has always had a thing for precocious, intelligent, and (yes) sexy young women. There's something about the combination of the young female mind and the young female body.. I flatter myself to say that I've had several female students who have had an interest in me over the years. I've never pursued such interests due to the obvious seeming impropriety. However, now that Spring is here, the clothes are skimpier, and we're heading towards the last few weeks of the academic year, I find myself compelled to explore this fantasy further…
This? Is creepy. Thankfully I'm not still in college. Otherwise I'd be wearing about 75 layers to class, worried that my professor is perving on me then posting ads for sex on CraigsList.
Lemme start out by sayin craigslist is pretty awesome. Its helped me get a few trucks sold my camaro n got a bunch of other stuff bought and sold from it so thankkks to Clist! This is a bit different for me than posting a truck or car or anything lol i figured id give it a try seeings how i always check clist for new auto's n stuff. Im 21yrs old an thus far its pretty damn sweet at the moment i am landscaping and doing roofs waiting to leave for basic training in oktober. I am by no means a bum or slackker id say i am far beyond driven! Im good looking i cant lie about that I have no problems getting girls im not a creeper or somebody who sits around the house on the computr 24 7, I am always outside doing something, playing in the woods on 4wheelers or the dirtbike going fishin hunting in the winter. Basically and dont mean to sound shallow but you have to be hot!! Gotta have a graet personality and be able to make me laugh and make fun of me. I can entertain like no other ill say that. If ya wan email me if ya send a pic ill give ya one back. Im sure im bound to get some of them robot sex site emails but whatever ill go around them!!!
I...don't think I need to comment on this.
So here is the deal I am utterly obsessed with the rain forest and I want out of the US. The idea is simple. My family has property in Costa Rica. To become a citizen can be a hassle. Unless, your child is born in the country, then you can apply to stay there pretty readily. If you are currently pregnant and in a bad situation or if you just want out of here for a few years in a tropical paradise or want to start a family, what ever reasoning might work for you. Let me know. Everything there is fairly cheap and simple there. I am not saying living like a gods is going to happen, but comfortable an lets face it if you have to live comfortable where is nicer the rain forest and tropics or where ever you are now.
Oh yeah. That's a perfect plan for the woman. Leave the country and raise a child with a total stranger. Hope she knows someone who can perform a background check...
Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.
If smelling one another is enough, I've been in love with a couple hundred people. Probably more. God, I'm a slut.
Are you ugly, fat, old, nerdy, or even handicapped? Have you lost all hope of ever getting layed?Well I'm here to help. I'm 37,and a little on the chunky side, but what I lack in looks I more than make up for with the tounge action. (not sayin I'm ugly but I'm no Brad Pitt) I will discreetly come to your house or hotel, and make with the nice nice. Just drop me a line and/or a pic and we'll talk.
So this is, essentially, a pity fuck from a guy who would typically be the recipient of a pity fuck. Awfully nice stroke to the ego, isn't it, Not Brad Pitt?
I'm a fairly young Professor (in my 30s) at an Amherst college, who has always had a thing for precocious, intelligent, and (yes) sexy young women. There's something about the combination of the young female mind and the young female body.. I flatter myself to say that I've had several female students who have had an interest in me over the years. I've never pursued such interests due to the obvious seeming impropriety. However, now that Spring is here, the clothes are skimpier, and we're heading towards the last few weeks of the academic year, I find myself compelled to explore this fantasy further…
This? Is creepy. Thankfully I'm not still in college. Otherwise I'd be wearing about 75 layers to class, worried that my professor is perving on me then posting ads for sex on CraigsList.
Lemme start out by sayin craigslist is pretty awesome. Its helped me get a few trucks sold my camaro n got a bunch of other stuff bought and sold from it so thankkks to Clist! This is a bit different for me than posting a truck or car or anything lol i figured id give it a try seeings how i always check clist for new auto's n stuff. Im 21yrs old an thus far its pretty damn sweet at the moment i am landscaping and doing roofs waiting to leave for basic training in oktober. I am by no means a bum or slackker id say i am far beyond driven! Im good looking i cant lie about that I have no problems getting girls im not a creeper or somebody who sits around the house on the computr 24 7, I am always outside doing something, playing in the woods on 4wheelers or the dirtbike going fishin hunting in the winter. Basically and dont mean to sound shallow but you have to be hot!! Gotta have a graet personality and be able to make me laugh and make fun of me. I can entertain like no other ill say that. If ya wan email me if ya send a pic ill give ya one back. Im sure im bound to get some of them robot sex site emails but whatever ill go around them!!!
I...don't think I need to comment on this.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Too Much Honesty, Part V: What the...?
I probably should have figured that if I spent any time at all with my OKCupid IM client on, he would have IMed me again, but it didn't really cross my mind. Thus, he popped up again last night:
Honest: you are rather lovely
Me: thank you.
I was seriously reading this with one eyebrow glued to the ceiling.
Honest: will we ever get to meet?
Me: beats me.
Honest: hahah
Honest: because i'd love to have you :)
I'd like to believe that this is really one of you readers out there screwing around with me, but as he started IMing me before Heather and I conceived the idea for this blog, I'm left with the unfortunate conclusion that he honestly thinks this is going to get me to meet with him.
At any rate, I signed off last night and fell asleep. Today, when I signed on, I didn't realize that the IM client was still running when I got another message:
Honest: hello :)
Me: hallo.
Honest: how are you, my sweet cake?
Quick interjection: "My sweet cake?" I'm not as anti-pet names as Heather is, but don't you have to have had some sort of relationship above hi-how-are-you-wanna-make-out before you get into them?
Me: i suppose i'm alright.
Honest: wanna makeout?
Me: with you? no.
Honest: oh, why not
That little "oh" made me feel like I had just kicked a puppy.
Me: because it is undeniably creepy that every time you IM me, you jump straight to making out/making love/whatever.
Honest: wow
Me: wow?
Honest: well i think you being so closed off is creepy, bye
Who wants to start a betting pool as to when the next time he'll message me is? Anyone?
Honest: you are rather lovely
Me: thank you.
I was seriously reading this with one eyebrow glued to the ceiling.
Honest: will we ever get to meet?
Me: beats me.
Honest: hahah
Honest: because i'd love to have you :)
I'd like to believe that this is really one of you readers out there screwing around with me, but as he started IMing me before Heather and I conceived the idea for this blog, I'm left with the unfortunate conclusion that he honestly thinks this is going to get me to meet with him.
At any rate, I signed off last night and fell asleep. Today, when I signed on, I didn't realize that the IM client was still running when I got another message:
Honest: hello :)
Me: hallo.
Honest: how are you, my sweet cake?
Quick interjection: "My sweet cake?" I'm not as anti-pet names as Heather is, but don't you have to have had some sort of relationship above hi-how-are-you-wanna-make-out before you get into them?
Me: i suppose i'm alright.
Honest: wanna makeout?
Me: with you? no.
Honest: oh, why not
That little "oh" made me feel like I had just kicked a puppy.
Me: because it is undeniably creepy that every time you IM me, you jump straight to making out/making love/whatever.
Honest: wow
Me: wow?
Honest: well i think you being so closed off is creepy, bye
Who wants to start a betting pool as to when the next time he'll message me is? Anyone?
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Like Sting I'm Tantric; Like Snickers Guaranteed to Satisfy
A while ago, I got a message in my OKCupid inbox that merely said “Hi.” No subject. There wasn’t even actually any punctuation in the original. Annoyed, as this was about the fiftieth (okay, I’m exaggerating) message I’ve gotten where the man in question put in zero effort, I shot back a reply:
This may seem like a strange question, but if you took the time to actually pull up the message sending screen and type out a word, wouldn't it have made sense to actually type a message worth responding to rather than just an uninteresting greeting?
Granted, I responded, but the message itself wasn’t really worth responding to. A moment of weakness, I know. I received the following in response:
I thought an uninteresting word might be better than an uninteresting message. I work as an economist, also go on a weekly radio show as a guest expert. am looking for a compatible companion. Am kind and understanding. i guess the best way to get to know each other is through the phone. Here`s my number, [telephone number redacted].
We all probably have figured out by now how I feel about people throwing their telephone numbers at me. Like I do, though, I took a look at his profile which reads something like Bartlett’s Familiar Quotations, How to Win Friends and Influence People, and The Joy of Sex had an ill-advised ménage à trois.
For example, his “Self-Summary” states
“God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.”
Hillary Clinton
Ignoring the fact that I believe that’s a Robin Williams quote (if he didn’t steal it from someone else—though I doubt that if he did, he stole it from Hillary Clinton), isn’t it generally considered bad form to basically say, “Hi, I’m male, and therefore have no self-control, so if I start humping your leg, just remember that it’s because I think you’re cute?”
Under the “What I’m doing with my life” section, the first thing it says is “Flirting” followed by pretty much what he said in his second sentence in the message to me.
His profile goes on to say that he’s “really good at”
Loving, sexual tension. theorizing. tantric. being childlike.
A man asked a woman, "Would you go to bed with me for $100 million?". She said yes. Then he asked, "would you go to bed with me for 50 cents". She shouted,"what sort of a woman do you think i am". He said "we`ve settled that, we`re just haggling about the price now".
There is one word in that entire bolded bit that is remotely interesting, and it’s not in the paragraph where he basically says that every woman’s a whore.
I am somewhat concerned, however, by the fact that the gentleman purports to be an economist, yet under the six things he could never do without he has “An investment in sex pays the best interest. Benjamin Franklin.” While he did manage to cite the correct person this time, I can’t help but wonder if he thinks the quote is six words or that it translates into
1. Sex
2. Sex
3. Sex
4. Sex
5. Sex
6. Sex
Either way, I’m pretty sure he isn’t the brightest bulb in the box if only because the next section reads “I spend a lot of time thinking about if I could have any woman in the world, would looks matter?”
The best part about being messaged by this fine example of masculinity is that today I got another message from him. This one just reads “Interested?”
I'm so charmed.
This may seem like a strange question, but if you took the time to actually pull up the message sending screen and type out a word, wouldn't it have made sense to actually type a message worth responding to rather than just an uninteresting greeting?
Granted, I responded, but the message itself wasn’t really worth responding to. A moment of weakness, I know. I received the following in response:
I thought an uninteresting word might be better than an uninteresting message. I work as an economist, also go on a weekly radio show as a guest expert. am looking for a compatible companion. Am kind and understanding. i guess the best way to get to know each other is through the phone. Here`s my number, [telephone number redacted].
We all probably have figured out by now how I feel about people throwing their telephone numbers at me. Like I do, though, I took a look at his profile which reads something like Bartlett’s Familiar Quotations, How to Win Friends and Influence People, and The Joy of Sex had an ill-advised ménage à trois.
For example, his “Self-Summary” states
“God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.”
Hillary Clinton
Ignoring the fact that I believe that’s a Robin Williams quote (if he didn’t steal it from someone else—though I doubt that if he did, he stole it from Hillary Clinton), isn’t it generally considered bad form to basically say, “Hi, I’m male, and therefore have no self-control, so if I start humping your leg, just remember that it’s because I think you’re cute?”
Under the “What I’m doing with my life” section, the first thing it says is “Flirting” followed by pretty much what he said in his second sentence in the message to me.
His profile goes on to say that he’s “really good at”
Loving, sexual tension. theorizing. tantric. being childlike.
A man asked a woman, "Would you go to bed with me for $100 million?". She said yes. Then he asked, "would you go to bed with me for 50 cents". She shouted,"what sort of a woman do you think i am". He said "we`ve settled that, we`re just haggling about the price now".
There is one word in that entire bolded bit that is remotely interesting, and it’s not in the paragraph where he basically says that every woman’s a whore.
I am somewhat concerned, however, by the fact that the gentleman purports to be an economist, yet under the six things he could never do without he has “An investment in sex pays the best interest. Benjamin Franklin.” While he did manage to cite the correct person this time, I can’t help but wonder if he thinks the quote is six words or that it translates into
1. Sex
2. Sex
3. Sex
4. Sex
5. Sex
6. Sex
Either way, I’m pretty sure he isn’t the brightest bulb in the box if only because the next section reads “I spend a lot of time thinking about if I could have any woman in the world, would looks matter?”
The best part about being messaged by this fine example of masculinity is that today I got another message from him. This one just reads “Interested?”
I'm so charmed.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
SWM LF FWB
And then one morning, I woke up to this message in my inbox:
hey [my handle], would you be interested in friends with benefits
Do I respond with
A. While I appreciate your upfrontedness, I'm going to have to pass.
B. I am always interested in friends with benefits, just not with you.
C. Wouldn't that require that we be friends first?
I am really wondering, though, if this approach has ever worked in the history of ever. Does anyone know?
hey [my handle], would you be interested in friends with benefits
Do I respond with
A. While I appreciate your upfrontedness, I'm going to have to pass.
B. I am always interested in friends with benefits, just not with you.
C. Wouldn't that require that we be friends first?
I am really wondering, though, if this approach has ever worked in the history of ever. Does anyone know?
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Too Much Honesty, Part IV: Are You Curious About the Epilogue?
There I was, minding my own business, when an IM window popped up.
Honest: hi
Me: hello.
Honest: how are you? :D
Me: good & yourself?
Honest: well :D
Me: good to hear!
Honest: :D
Considering we parted on not so friendly terms last time, I was wary. Then I remembered that this man has the memory span of an epileptic goldfish and knew I'd probably, at the very least, get a post out the conversation.
Honest: mmmmmmmmmmmm
Me: mmm?
Honest: mmhmm
Me: is that a happy mmm?
Honest: mmhmm
Honest: wanna make out
It's like death, taxes, and my friend Honest. I am curious to know if this ploy has every worked for him in the jefftyjeff years he's been using it. I decided, however, to go the clueless route.
Me: that would be somewhat difficult considering we're on two ends of a computer.
Honest: well i meant would you like to
Me: in general, yes, i am a fan of making out. with you specifically, i do not know.
Honest: hmmm :p
Me: just bein' honest!
Honest: no need to explain <3
It occurred to me during this last conversation that I've been assuming this whole time that he doesn't remember that he talked to me before, but what if he's thinking the same thing about me? What if he thinks I don't remember us ever talking before? What if it's like some sort of Möbius strip of me thinking he doesn't remember me him thinking I don't remember him me thinking he doesn't remember me?
I'm still voting for MPD, though.
Edit: Oh, and I almost completely forgot to mention! I checked OKCupid's IM logs and apparently he's IMed me not once, but TWICE when I was away from the computer in the past month. Bizarre.
Honest: hi
Me: hello.
Honest: how are you? :D
Me: good & yourself?
Honest: well :D
Me: good to hear!
Honest: :D
Considering we parted on not so friendly terms last time, I was wary. Then I remembered that this man has the memory span of an epileptic goldfish and knew I'd probably, at the very least, get a post out the conversation.
Honest: mmmmmmmmmmmm
Me: mmm?
Honest: mmhmm
Me: is that a happy mmm?
Honest: mmhmm
Honest: wanna make out
It's like death, taxes, and my friend Honest. I am curious to know if this ploy has every worked for him in the jefftyjeff years he's been using it. I decided, however, to go the clueless route.
Me: that would be somewhat difficult considering we're on two ends of a computer.
Honest: well i meant would you like to
Me: in general, yes, i am a fan of making out. with you specifically, i do not know.
Honest: hmmm :p
Me: just bein' honest!
Honest: no need to explain <3
It occurred to me during this last conversation that I've been assuming this whole time that he doesn't remember that he talked to me before, but what if he's thinking the same thing about me? What if he thinks I don't remember us ever talking before? What if it's like some sort of Möbius strip of me thinking he doesn't remember me him thinking I don't remember him me thinking he doesn't remember me?
I'm still voting for MPD, though.
Edit: Oh, and I almost completely forgot to mention! I checked OKCupid's IM logs and apparently he's IMed me not once, but TWICE when I was away from the computer in the past month. Bizarre.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Too Much Honesty, Part III: The Thrilling Conclusion
And now, the end to my conversations with Honest. The last thing I said on our last conversation was simply “lol.” A few hours later, he IMed me again.
Honest: eh?
Honest: hi
I’m guessing that he walked away before he had read my final message. We exchanged some pleasantries, and then he said,
Honest: missed talking to you
Uh, what? That’s strange considering he was the one who stomped off in a schoolgirl huff.
Honest: wanna snuggle?
Well, that was quick.
Then he asked me what my OKCupid name was because he forgot to save it, but never fear that we strayed into normality for too long because where there’s a will, there’s a way…
Honest: wanna make love?
Me: you are quite persistent.
Honest: ?
Me: i feel like you've asked me that before.
Honest: well i want to
Me: so i gathered.
At this point, I began to seriously consider multiple personalities or extreme marijuana use. Then, I thought, “No, he can’t not remember that we talked earlier today,” but then he asked me if I was a virgin…which…he’d already asked me previously, so…I’m thinking MPD, but they’re all the same personality.
Honest: and you do too but woried out being used
Let’s consider this for a moment. If I’m worried about being used, on what earth would the best approach be to just keep asking me to snuggle and “make love?”
Honest: talk to me
Honest: i'm not going to use or hurt you
Me: that is nice of you to say.
Honest: whats your deal??
Me: about what?
Honest: why are you so hard to get a real reply out of
Me: what real reply would you like?
Honest: a real one
Honest: not cold or removed?
I have not the words.
Honest: talk to me
Me: about what?
Honest: hellooo
Honest: wake up
Honest: snap out of it
Honest: talk to me
I think, perhaps, he wants me to talk to him.
Me: about what?
Honest: .......
Honest: nevermind bye
Me: ta!
Honest: i cant stand people with nothing interesting to say
I thought he was leaving…but, since he opened up that can of worms…
Me: are you kidding me?
Me: your entire repertoire has been "i want to make love" and you're telling me i have nothing to say?
Me: please.
Honest: i actualyl asked you to talk to me a bunch
Honest: and fuck you
Which is exactly what he’d been trying to do for the duration of our conversation, and it still hadn’t worked, so I’m wondering if he was trying a more direct approach or if he was trying to be insulting. Gah, I can never figure out men.
My response, again, was “lol,” and…you guessed it…about an hour later, he responded with “?” Rather than start up another conversation and have this continue on to Part IV, I responded with something like “oh, you’re back again?” I think he got the hint.
But if any Psychology majors (or amateur psychologists) want to explain to me what just happened, I’m all ears. ;)
Honest: eh?
Honest: hi
I’m guessing that he walked away before he had read my final message. We exchanged some pleasantries, and then he said,
Honest: missed talking to you
Uh, what? That’s strange considering he was the one who stomped off in a schoolgirl huff.
Honest: wanna snuggle?
Well, that was quick.
Then he asked me what my OKCupid name was because he forgot to save it, but never fear that we strayed into normality for too long because where there’s a will, there’s a way…
Honest: wanna make love?
Me: you are quite persistent.
Honest: ?
Me: i feel like you've asked me that before.
Honest: well i want to
Me: so i gathered.
At this point, I began to seriously consider multiple personalities or extreme marijuana use. Then, I thought, “No, he can’t not remember that we talked earlier today,” but then he asked me if I was a virgin…which…he’d already asked me previously, so…I’m thinking MPD, but they’re all the same personality.
Honest: and you do too but woried out being used
Let’s consider this for a moment. If I’m worried about being used, on what earth would the best approach be to just keep asking me to snuggle and “make love?”
Honest: talk to me
Honest: i'm not going to use or hurt you
Me: that is nice of you to say.
Honest: whats your deal??
Me: about what?
Honest: why are you so hard to get a real reply out of
Me: what real reply would you like?
Honest: a real one
Honest: not cold or removed?
I have not the words.
Honest: talk to me
Me: about what?
Honest: hellooo
Honest: wake up
Honest: snap out of it
Honest: talk to me
I think, perhaps, he wants me to talk to him.
Me: about what?
Honest: .......
Honest: nevermind bye
Me: ta!
Honest: i cant stand people with nothing interesting to say
I thought he was leaving…but, since he opened up that can of worms…
Me: are you kidding me?
Me: your entire repertoire has been "i want to make love" and you're telling me i have nothing to say?
Me: please.
Honest: i actualyl asked you to talk to me a bunch
Honest: and fuck you
Which is exactly what he’d been trying to do for the duration of our conversation, and it still hadn’t worked, so I’m wondering if he was trying a more direct approach or if he was trying to be insulting. Gah, I can never figure out men.
My response, again, was “lol,” and…you guessed it…about an hour later, he responded with “?” Rather than start up another conversation and have this continue on to Part IV, I responded with something like “oh, you’re back again?” I think he got the hint.
But if any Psychology majors (or amateur psychologists) want to explain to me what just happened, I’m all ears. ;)
Monday, March 1, 2010
Match this.
So I finally gave in and subscribed to match.com, after being notified every day via email that I had unread messages. Four of them. And this is what I found.
The first message was sent February 5. And once I looked at his username, I realized...this schmuck Googled my username, found me on Yahoo messenger, and sent me an IM. Like...a day after he sent the message. He didn't identify himself at the time, and I never gave out my IM name in my profile. I just thought he was a random, but...apparently not. I mean, yes, I use the same name everywhere. But that doesn't mean he should be Googling me. That's creepy.
This is the opening line of the next one, sent on the 25:
So, tell me a little more about your self and let me know what some of your interests are
No "hello." No "hi, I'm So-and-so." Just a demand. Like, um...what if I don't want to? Rude.
As for me I work for Fedex and I drive tractor trailers 8pm to 8am for them mon - sat, I'm out sat morn and don't go back till mon night. It is hard for me to find someone that can put up with this work time
Personally, I'd be excited if you were gone a lot... I mean... What?
most of my relationships were 5-8 yrs long my last one ended in oct 08 after 8 1/2 yr, sense then I've have a few.
Great to know, but am I alone in thinking that's not really suitable material for a first message?
ages from 24-38 and I find you to be very Beautiful, from your profile.
What are the ages for? And I do so Love random Capitalization to emphasize Words that should be Appealing to Me.
So if you'd like to take a chance and grab coffee one of these mornings and or chat and wait for the weekend to go out for lunch/dinner I'm here, So either way drop me a line back and let me know ok thank you either way, hopefuly it's good, but if not I wish you good luck and to take care
Moving a little fast there, bucko. Go out for coffee, like, now-ish...or just wait for the weekend? How about something like, "Message me back if you want to talk, and maybe we can go out sometime"? This is why men fail at online dating. Most women are not going to be all, "OMG YES, let's go out tomorrow!" Assuming that will be the course, then getting upset when it's not reality, is why a lot of women do not want to talk to you.
And finally, from the 26:
hi there cutie!! i'm Mitch and just want to tell you that this could work!!!
Oh really, Mitch? I'm not so sure about that.
i'm a friendly and happy guy who loves to make people laugh and have a good time and kill boredom!!don't beat yourself up sweety ok!
Um, what? Where did I "beat myself up"? And you called me "sweety." Done.
i'm a down to earth man and love to have a goos friend to share many things with,i am a little stocky and hope that is not an incovenience??!!!,, i go to the gym a lot and have a proportioned body(i think)but i DO NOT have a six pack!!!,,lol,,,just a regular tummy,but i do not have a complex so i am happy regardless
It is not an inconvenience!!!!!! But it would appear, since you had to make a point of mentioning it, that you do have a complex!!!!! Otherwise you wouldn't feel the need to talk about it??!!!!
can we be friends?
...no.
The fourth message wasn't that bad. I know, I'm depriving you all. My apologies.
Should I just reply to all of these with, "How about no?" heh.
The first message was sent February 5. And once I looked at his username, I realized...this schmuck Googled my username, found me on Yahoo messenger, and sent me an IM. Like...a day after he sent the message. He didn't identify himself at the time, and I never gave out my IM name in my profile. I just thought he was a random, but...apparently not. I mean, yes, I use the same name everywhere. But that doesn't mean he should be Googling me. That's creepy.
This is the opening line of the next one, sent on the 25:
So, tell me a little more about your self and let me know what some of your interests are
No "hello." No "hi, I'm So-and-so." Just a demand. Like, um...what if I don't want to? Rude.
As for me I work for Fedex and I drive tractor trailers 8pm to 8am for them mon - sat, I'm out sat morn and don't go back till mon night. It is hard for me to find someone that can put up with this work time
Personally, I'd be excited if you were gone a lot... I mean... What?
most of my relationships were 5-8 yrs long my last one ended in oct 08 after 8 1/2 yr, sense then I've have a few.
Great to know, but am I alone in thinking that's not really suitable material for a first message?
ages from 24-38 and I find you to be very Beautiful, from your profile.
What are the ages for? And I do so Love random Capitalization to emphasize Words that should be Appealing to Me.
So if you'd like to take a chance and grab coffee one of these mornings and or chat and wait for the weekend to go out for lunch/dinner I'm here, So either way drop me a line back and let me know ok thank you either way, hopefuly it's good, but if not I wish you good luck and to take care
Moving a little fast there, bucko. Go out for coffee, like, now-ish...or just wait for the weekend? How about something like, "Message me back if you want to talk, and maybe we can go out sometime"? This is why men fail at online dating. Most women are not going to be all, "OMG YES, let's go out tomorrow!" Assuming that will be the course, then getting upset when it's not reality, is why a lot of women do not want to talk to you.
And finally, from the 26:
hi there cutie!! i'm Mitch and just want to tell you that this could work!!!
Oh really, Mitch? I'm not so sure about that.
i'm a friendly and happy guy who loves to make people laugh and have a good time and kill boredom!!don't beat yourself up sweety ok!
Um, what? Where did I "beat myself up"? And you called me "sweety." Done.
i'm a down to earth man and love to have a goos friend to share many things with,i am a little stocky and hope that is not an incovenience??!!!,, i go to the gym a lot and have a proportioned body(i think)but i DO NOT have a six pack!!!,,lol,,,just a regular tummy,but i do not have a complex so i am happy regardless
It is not an inconvenience!!!!!! But it would appear, since you had to make a point of mentioning it, that you do have a complex!!!!! Otherwise you wouldn't feel the need to talk about it??!!!!
can we be friends?
...no.
The fourth message wasn't that bad. I know, I'm depriving you all. My apologies.
Should I just reply to all of these with, "How about no?" heh.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Too Much Honesty, Part II: Electric Boogalo
Of course, if it were as simple as just my last entry, then I doubt Honest would have gotten much of a mention. The second time we talked, he waxed less philosophical and focused mainly on, well…
Honest: how tall are you?
Me: about 5'4
Wait, what? How tall am I? What’s next—he’s going to ask me how much I weigh ‘cause there ain’t no way I’m divulging that information…
Honest: are you any good at kissing?
While I suppose that makes more sense, it’s not the next question I’d expect after “how tall are you?” even if “how tall are you?” was a question I would have expected in the first place.
It was around this point that I gave him my AIM name because the OKCupid IM client was acting up for him. He IMs me with…
Honest: apologie axepted
…which makes no sense whatsoever even if I translate it into “apology accepted” because I hadn’t apologized about anything. Then we get into the nitty gritty.
Honest: what turns you on?
Me: hm. i'm not sure.
Honest: how many guys have you been with?
Me: do you think that would make a difference?
Honest: i'm just curious
Just once, I'd love a guy to answer the question I asked because I'd really, really like to know the answer.
Oh, and "just curious" indeed. Keep in mind that the first time we spoke, he spoke at length about how the whole one man/one woman paradigm was a ridiculous social construct, yet he’s interested in how many guys I’ve slept with. Hm.
Honest: so would you care to snuggle then?
Me: i don't normally jump right into snuggling. :P
Honest: i didn't know jumping was involved!!!
Me: i don't normally segue straight into snuggling?
Honest: i see
Honest: well how do you go from not to snuggling then?
Honest: time travel?
Me: dinner's usually a nice start. lol
Honest: dinner where?
Me: a mutually agreeable spot? i donno. :P
Honest: huh?
Suddenly I'm Chris Tucker in Rush Hour typing very slowing "Do you understand the words that are comin' off of my fingers?"
Me: i suppose i'm saying that i usually see if there's any spark at all before i actually snuggle someone.
Honest: well i feel it, if you don't hmm
This is the second time we’ve spoken and he feels a spark. I'm beginning to feel like men are flint and tinder whereas women are...like...wet wood on a cloudy day, but you really want the fire, so you put all this effort into getting the wood and putting it in the fireplace and trying to start a fire, but the damn wood's too wet, so you trudge back out to the woodpile and start looking for a better piece of wood, but you can't find one and you get so frustrated that you kick the dog and...
Wait, where was I going with that?
Honest: i want you
Me: why?
Honest: you seem sexy fun & yum
Me: so what turns you on?
Honest: you
OMG! NO WAI!!
That is one of the clichéd things EVER.
Honest: i need food
Me: then i suggest you eat! :D
Honest: ok, when do we get to make love?
Me: you seem a bit fixated.
Honest: fixated?
Me: on this whole making love thing.
Honest: or maybe you have had a long dry spell so talking about it seems, to you, like its being said lot
I prefer to call it a “self-imposed self-introspective journey into the workings of my sexual psyche,” but I suppose “dry spell” works, too. Or I could just be picky.
And as one of my male friends said: "Isn't 'have sex' or 'fuck' more appropriate in this context?"
But this...this, I think, is my favourite part:
Me: you have no idea who i am, yet you want to have sex with me.
Honest: did you read my profile?
Me: mmhmm
Honest: did you see the part where it says i read people
Me: mmhmm
Snip from his profile, which I’ll admit I didn’t remember because I didn’t bother to look at it the second time he messaged me:
Trying to "know" someone is about as useful and real as trying to "see" darkness. If you truly know yourself, you all ready know everyone else. Please stop with this typical bullshit. No one is a stranger, if you think so, i deeply pity you.
(Editor's Note: I looked through his whole profile and couldn't really find a reference to "reading people" anywhere in it, so I'm guessing he meant that part)
Whoops.
Honest: so why say the "no idea who i am" bit?
Me: i mean literally. i could be a 55 year old man.
Honest: yea and i could be the pope
Me: which is sort of my point. i've kept myself out of the headlines of being abducted by a strange man on the internet by not hooking up with strange men on the internet.
Honest: ok so now i'm "a strange man from the internet"
Me: until proven otherwise, everyone is a strange person on the internet.
Honest: what a middle ages aproach to personal interaction
Me: no, a middle ages approach would be letting my father decide who i marry because he wants to secure some land or an alliance.
Honest: i was talking more of the inquisition
Me: so you're offended?
Honest: no, it just makes you look kinda backwards & repressed
Me: lol
Me: because i won't just meet up with you and snuggle?
Honest: no, because you are claiming i'm a stranger
Me: you are a stranger until i've actually met you.
Honest: then we have nothing further to discuss
Nothing further to discuss? I suppose that means there will be no Part III of this saga…oh, wait…
Stay tuned for the grand finale!
Honest: how tall are you?
Me: about 5'4
Wait, what? How tall am I? What’s next—he’s going to ask me how much I weigh ‘cause there ain’t no way I’m divulging that information…
Honest: are you any good at kissing?
While I suppose that makes more sense, it’s not the next question I’d expect after “how tall are you?” even if “how tall are you?” was a question I would have expected in the first place.
It was around this point that I gave him my AIM name because the OKCupid IM client was acting up for him. He IMs me with…
Honest: apologie axepted
…which makes no sense whatsoever even if I translate it into “apology accepted” because I hadn’t apologized about anything. Then we get into the nitty gritty.
Honest: what turns you on?
Me: hm. i'm not sure.
Honest: how many guys have you been with?
Me: do you think that would make a difference?
Honest: i'm just curious
Just once, I'd love a guy to answer the question I asked because I'd really, really like to know the answer.
Oh, and "just curious" indeed. Keep in mind that the first time we spoke, he spoke at length about how the whole one man/one woman paradigm was a ridiculous social construct, yet he’s interested in how many guys I’ve slept with. Hm.
Honest: so would you care to snuggle then?
Me: i don't normally jump right into snuggling. :P
Honest: i didn't know jumping was involved!!!
Me: i don't normally segue straight into snuggling?
Honest: i see
Honest: well how do you go from not to snuggling then?
Honest: time travel?
Me: dinner's usually a nice start. lol
Honest: dinner where?
Me: a mutually agreeable spot? i donno. :P
Honest: huh?
Suddenly I'm Chris Tucker in Rush Hour typing very slowing "Do you understand the words that are comin' off of my fingers?"
Me: i suppose i'm saying that i usually see if there's any spark at all before i actually snuggle someone.
Honest: well i feel it, if you don't hmm
This is the second time we’ve spoken and he feels a spark. I'm beginning to feel like men are flint and tinder whereas women are...like...wet wood on a cloudy day, but you really want the fire, so you put all this effort into getting the wood and putting it in the fireplace and trying to start a fire, but the damn wood's too wet, so you trudge back out to the woodpile and start looking for a better piece of wood, but you can't find one and you get so frustrated that you kick the dog and...
Wait, where was I going with that?
Honest: i want you
Me: why?
Honest: you seem sexy fun & yum
Me: so what turns you on?
Honest: you
OMG! NO WAI!!
That is one of the clichéd things EVER.
Honest: i need food
Me: then i suggest you eat! :D
Honest: ok, when do we get to make love?
Me: you seem a bit fixated.
Honest: fixated?
Me: on this whole making love thing.
Honest: or maybe you have had a long dry spell so talking about it seems, to you, like its being said lot
I prefer to call it a “self-imposed self-introspective journey into the workings of my sexual psyche,” but I suppose “dry spell” works, too. Or I could just be picky.
And as one of my male friends said: "Isn't 'have sex' or 'fuck' more appropriate in this context?"
But this...this, I think, is my favourite part:
Me: you have no idea who i am, yet you want to have sex with me.
Honest: did you read my profile?
Me: mmhmm
Honest: did you see the part where it says i read people
Me: mmhmm
Snip from his profile, which I’ll admit I didn’t remember because I didn’t bother to look at it the second time he messaged me:
Trying to "know" someone is about as useful and real as trying to "see" darkness. If you truly know yourself, you all ready know everyone else. Please stop with this typical bullshit. No one is a stranger, if you think so, i deeply pity you.
(Editor's Note: I looked through his whole profile and couldn't really find a reference to "reading people" anywhere in it, so I'm guessing he meant that part)
Whoops.
Honest: so why say the "no idea who i am" bit?
Me: i mean literally. i could be a 55 year old man.
Honest: yea and i could be the pope
Me: which is sort of my point. i've kept myself out of the headlines of being abducted by a strange man on the internet by not hooking up with strange men on the internet.
Honest: ok so now i'm "a strange man from the internet"
Me: until proven otherwise, everyone is a strange person on the internet.
Honest: what a middle ages aproach to personal interaction
Me: no, a middle ages approach would be letting my father decide who i marry because he wants to secure some land or an alliance.
Honest: i was talking more of the inquisition
Me: so you're offended?
Honest: no, it just makes you look kinda backwards & repressed
Me: lol
Me: because i won't just meet up with you and snuggle?
Honest: no, because you are claiming i'm a stranger
Me: you are a stranger until i've actually met you.
Honest: then we have nothing further to discuss
Nothing further to discuss? I suppose that means there will be no Part III of this saga…oh, wait…
Stay tuned for the grand finale!
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Return of IRMEDD420
What I neglected to mention in this post was that our good friend IRMEDD420 actually did IM me later that day. You remember IRMEDD420, right? He CAN BE A VERY SEXUALLY DOMINANT MAN and you should message him if you don’t mind that he doesn’t have a car. Now that we’re up to speed…
Because I am, at heart, a nice person, I talked to him for a while. Here are some choice snippets:
IRMEDD420: which pic is mosr recent?
IRMEDD420: most*
Me: the one at the top with the headphones.
Implied text: Y’know, the one labeled “November 2009” whereas the other two are labeled “May 2009” and “April 2009.”
IRMEDD420: i would love to take you out
Me: why's that?
IRMEDD420: cause your sexy lol
Me: well, that's a given. :P
Don’t look at me like that; you know I’m sexy.
IRMEDD420: you like a dominant guy?
Me: i suppose it depends on what he's dominating at.
IRMEDD420: in a sexual way
I gave him an out! Did you see that? I gave him an opening to not be creepy AND HE DIDN’T TAKE IT.
IRMEDD420: i bet your body is nice
Me: it has its moments.
IRMEDD420: i wish i could see your ass
If wishes were fishes, my friend.
IRMEDD420: you wanna go out tiffany?
Either he has more than one conversation going or he’s taking me out to buy some expensive jewelry. I’d go if it were the latter.
Me: to tiffany?
IRMEDD420: sorry that was another i/m comp keeps fucking up
IRMEDD420: i want to take you :)
IRMEDD420: out*
IRMEDD420: lol
IRMEDD420: [telephone number redacted, though I was tempted to leave it in hopes someone would prank him]
Yes. Yes, he did just give me his telephone number. If only it worked like that with that cute guy over there.
Me: pretend you're me for a minute. some random dude ims you and says he wants to take you out. you know nothing about this person. why would i want to put myself at risk like that?
IRMEDD420: are you attracted to me? i'm attracted to you i've made that quite clear
What I’m gathering from this is that because he finds me attractive, we should go out. I’m guessing that works on some girls, but considering he called me another girl’s name, I’m disinclined to acquiesce to his request.
Means no.
IRMEDD420: [gives his number again]
Me: do you think you're more likely to take me out if you speak to me?
IRMEDD420: yes
Me: why's that?
IRMEDD420: idk if you dont wanna i wont beg
Me: indeed.
IRMEDD420: so whats the decision woman?
Me: i'm gonna have to pass.
Seriously? He’s not going to beg, but he gave me his number twice? If that’s not begging, I don’t know what is. :P
I also wish he'd actually answered my question. Why would speaking to him make it more likely that we'd go out?
Because I am, at heart, a nice person, I talked to him for a while. Here are some choice snippets:
IRMEDD420: which pic is mosr recent?
IRMEDD420: most*
Me: the one at the top with the headphones.
Implied text: Y’know, the one labeled “November 2009” whereas the other two are labeled “May 2009” and “April 2009.”
IRMEDD420: i would love to take you out
Me: why's that?
IRMEDD420: cause your sexy lol
Me: well, that's a given. :P
Don’t look at me like that; you know I’m sexy.
IRMEDD420: you like a dominant guy?
Me: i suppose it depends on what he's dominating at.
IRMEDD420: in a sexual way
I gave him an out! Did you see that? I gave him an opening to not be creepy AND HE DIDN’T TAKE IT.
IRMEDD420: i bet your body is nice
Me: it has its moments.
IRMEDD420: i wish i could see your ass
If wishes were fishes, my friend.
IRMEDD420: you wanna go out tiffany?
Either he has more than one conversation going or he’s taking me out to buy some expensive jewelry. I’d go if it were the latter.
Me: to tiffany?
IRMEDD420: sorry that was another i/m comp keeps fucking up
IRMEDD420: i want to take you :)
IRMEDD420: out*
IRMEDD420: lol
IRMEDD420: [telephone number redacted, though I was tempted to leave it in hopes someone would prank him]
Yes. Yes, he did just give me his telephone number. If only it worked like that with that cute guy over there.
Me: pretend you're me for a minute. some random dude ims you and says he wants to take you out. you know nothing about this person. why would i want to put myself at risk like that?
IRMEDD420: are you attracted to me? i'm attracted to you i've made that quite clear
What I’m gathering from this is that because he finds me attractive, we should go out. I’m guessing that works on some girls, but considering he called me another girl’s name, I’m disinclined to acquiesce to his request.
Means no.
IRMEDD420: [gives his number again]
Me: do you think you're more likely to take me out if you speak to me?
IRMEDD420: yes
Me: why's that?
IRMEDD420: idk if you dont wanna i wont beg
Me: indeed.
IRMEDD420: so whats the decision woman?
Me: i'm gonna have to pass.
Seriously? He’s not going to beg, but he gave me his number twice? If that’s not begging, I don’t know what is. :P
I also wish he'd actually answered my question. Why would speaking to him make it more likely that we'd go out?
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Internet and the Art of Speed Dating
I think what gets me the most about Internet dating is that people tend to want to go at the speed of light instead of letting a relationship grow and blossom on its own accord.
CraftyCanuck: hi there
Me: hello
CraftyCanuck: nice tomeeet u
This is exactly what I mean. We haven’t actually met, have we? Not even in really the Internet-meaning of “meet” as I don’t even know his name. He did, eventually, introduce himself, though. Then, the moving too fast continued.
CraftyCanuck: have you been single long
Me: about a year, i suppose.
CraftyCanuck: not much fun is it
Gets right down to business, doesn’t he?
CraftyCanuck: i am 40 is that ok with you
Me: why wouldn't it be?
CraftyCanuck: thought you might be looking for around your age
Me: according to your profile, you're also in canada, no?
My point here is that even if he’s forty years old, HE’S IN CANADA, so it’s no skin off my nose to just talk to the guy. According to Google Maps, he’s approximately seven hours from where I live. This nuance was lost on CraftyCanuck, though, as he proceeded to tell me that Canada’s “not that far” from where I live.
Unless his penis is made of solid gold, I’m pretty sure it’s “that far.”
CraftyCanuck: do you have kids?
Me: nope.
Me: unless you count my kitten.
CraftyCanuck: lol do you want kids
Me: someday. :)
CraftyCanuck: kool how many do you want?
Me: somewhere between 1 and 3.
CraftyCanuck: kool 3-4 would be nice
At this point, we’ve been talking for approximately ten minutes. Now, I want kids. I really want kids. I would like nothing more than to have a couple running around willy-nilly. I feel, however, that this is more of a third/fourth date sort of conversation.
In other words, bringing it up now? Not gonna lie—that’s creepy. Not as creepy as this, though:
CraftyCanuck: do u drive
Me: i do.
CraftyCanuck: me2
CraftyCanuck: do u have ur own place
Me: i have a roommate.
CraftyCanuck: they always there lol
Me: most of the time.
CraftyCanuck: ok then you might have to come here lol
Because driving to Canada to meet some forty year old guy I’ve been talking to for twenty minutes is a FABULOUS IDEA. Let me go fill up my car with some gasoline and hit the road!
Let's be clear here: when I had an Internet friend who I had met before in person come stay with me, I made sure my roommate would be home not because I didn't trust that Internet friend but because I trust no Internet people the first few times.
I believe this has kept me out of the newspaper headlines.
CraftyCanuck: maybe we should talk on the phone next then
CraftyCanuck: would u like that?
Me: i don't generally give out my phone number to people i've talked to once.
CraftyCanuck: i dont bite lol
Me: i'm sure.
CraftyCanuck: kool it would be niceto sayhi
CraftyCanuck: whats your number plz
Me: i'm not giving out my number. sorry.
CraftyCanuck: no prob just thought be niceto talk
And thus the conversation ended on a bit of a whiny note from my new Canadian friend. After that, he asked me what I liked to do, and I answered, but didn't get another response.
Note to self: Be more forceful when stating that I’m not giving out my phone number. Something more like “HELL TO THE NO, CREEPSTER.”
CraftyCanuck: hi there
Me: hello
CraftyCanuck: nice tomeeet u
This is exactly what I mean. We haven’t actually met, have we? Not even in really the Internet-meaning of “meet” as I don’t even know his name. He did, eventually, introduce himself, though. Then, the moving too fast continued.
CraftyCanuck: have you been single long
Me: about a year, i suppose.
CraftyCanuck: not much fun is it
Gets right down to business, doesn’t he?
CraftyCanuck: i am 40 is that ok with you
Me: why wouldn't it be?
CraftyCanuck: thought you might be looking for around your age
Me: according to your profile, you're also in canada, no?
My point here is that even if he’s forty years old, HE’S IN CANADA, so it’s no skin off my nose to just talk to the guy. According to Google Maps, he’s approximately seven hours from where I live. This nuance was lost on CraftyCanuck, though, as he proceeded to tell me that Canada’s “not that far” from where I live.
Unless his penis is made of solid gold, I’m pretty sure it’s “that far.”
CraftyCanuck: do you have kids?
Me: nope.
Me: unless you count my kitten.
CraftyCanuck: lol do you want kids
Me: someday. :)
CraftyCanuck: kool how many do you want?
Me: somewhere between 1 and 3.
CraftyCanuck: kool 3-4 would be nice
At this point, we’ve been talking for approximately ten minutes. Now, I want kids. I really want kids. I would like nothing more than to have a couple running around willy-nilly. I feel, however, that this is more of a third/fourth date sort of conversation.
In other words, bringing it up now? Not gonna lie—that’s creepy. Not as creepy as this, though:
CraftyCanuck: do u drive
Me: i do.
CraftyCanuck: me2
CraftyCanuck: do u have ur own place
Me: i have a roommate.
CraftyCanuck: they always there lol
Me: most of the time.
CraftyCanuck: ok then you might have to come here lol
Because driving to Canada to meet some forty year old guy I’ve been talking to for twenty minutes is a FABULOUS IDEA. Let me go fill up my car with some gasoline and hit the road!
Let's be clear here: when I had an Internet friend who I had met before in person come stay with me, I made sure my roommate would be home not because I didn't trust that Internet friend but because I trust no Internet people the first few times.
I believe this has kept me out of the newspaper headlines.
CraftyCanuck: maybe we should talk on the phone next then
CraftyCanuck: would u like that?
Me: i don't generally give out my phone number to people i've talked to once.
CraftyCanuck: i dont bite lol
Me: i'm sure.
CraftyCanuck: kool it would be niceto sayhi
CraftyCanuck: whats your number plz
Me: i'm not giving out my number. sorry.
CraftyCanuck: no prob just thought be niceto talk
And thus the conversation ended on a bit of a whiny note from my new Canadian friend. After that, he asked me what I liked to do, and I answered, but didn't get another response.
Note to self: Be more forceful when stating that I’m not giving out my phone number. Something more like “HELL TO THE NO, CREEPSTER.”
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