Er, What?

Two bizarre though not completely rotten occurrences:

Bizarre the First
Got a message from a guy that was pretty well thought out and interesting. He expressed interest in my hobbies and mentioned some that he shared without coming off as creepy or harassing. He's looking for a nerdy, best-friend kind of girl he can play an MMO with.

Only problem is that he's in Redmond, WA which is...well...a fair distance from Philadelphia, PA...which he acknowledges, then goes on to say that he just moved there last August, so he doesn't have a lot of friends out there yet. You would think that instead of courting someone with "it's only a plane ride away," he'd look for someone closer. Like Seattle. Where I'm guessing there are a few nerdy women hanging around.

Bizarre the Second
This message started"Long time, no chat. What's been up with you, lately?" but I didn't recognize the name. In fact, I thought it was the guy from the previous message following up after I hadn't responded.

I vaguely remember talking to this guy, but not really. OKC tells me that the first time I messaged him was September 2010.

So, yeah...less rotten and more leaving me with an unsettled sense of "bwuh?"

IRMEDD420 IV: A New Hope

So, my buddy IRMEDD420 has reappeared with a different username. I got a notification that someone had added me to his favorites list, so I clicked on the profile. The picture wasn't familiar, but when I saw what town he lives in, plus the line, "unfortunately i have no car at the moment and i realize that can be very unattractive," I knew...I just knew.

Then later in his profile he says, "my last profile was caps and surprisingly a fair amount of people actually care about the most pedantic shit." No, my darling; we just don't enjoy being yelled at.

Then there was this:

IRMEDD420: hello
Me: hello.
IRMEDD420: you are beautiful

It's like he doesn't remember calling me a snooty bitch. Amazing.

Crazy Is As Crazy Does

You all remember my friend Honest, right?

• Too Much Honesty, Part I
• Too Much Honesty, Part II: Electric Boogaloo
• Too Much Honesty, Part III: The Thrilling Conclusion
• Too Much Honesty, Part IV: Are You Curious About the Epilogue?
• Too Much Honesty, Part V: What the...?
  

I chanced upon his profile again, and saw that it had been updated to have this at the beginning of his Self-Summary:

I am not actively using this site anymore.... way too many crazy people with issues, so if you want to talk, send me a message with your # and we can text. Thanks!

While I am sure that there are many crazy people on OKCupid, I don't think that this particular pot should be calling that specific kettle black.

My other concern is the cognitive dissonance that allows him to believe that he will somehow weed out the crazy people by, instead of talking to them via the relative anonymity of the site, asking for them to give him their telephone numbers.

At least I have no illusion of what he will be like when he grows up.

Sexy Lips II: Groundhog Day

Today, rather than sit at home, surfing the Internet for hours on end, I decided to venture out into the real world. I had a package to mail, so I went to the post office, and while I was there bought stamps, then eventually made my way to Borders with the intention of writing out the postcards to various people around the world, but ended up talking to my friend Mike and surfing the Internet.

Of course, along with Facebook and gmail, OKCupid had its own tab on my browser window. I was halfway through writing a postcard when I noticed the tab was flashing.

Oh my God.

He did try and spice it up a bit this time, though. This IM said, "sexy lips/". That little forward slash makes all the difference.

His profile's changed a little bit since that first time, too. Now the highlight is in the "You should message me if" section:

your not a loser.
you dont lie.... sad to say 70% of the girls on here lie so much its too funny they must just want attention anyway they can get it.
no druggies too

I love it when people automatically assume I'm a liar! Woo hoo! :P

Sexy Lips

June 4, 2010
Random: sexy lips
Me: i'm sorry?

July 18, 2010
Random: sexy lips
Me: i'm sorry; what?

At least he's consistent with his openings.

Random: lol
Random: sexy lips
Me: o...kay.
Random: o.... sorry next time i will say no wonder your single.

You heard it here first. It's no wonder I'm single because I don't respond favorably when a person IMs me with nothing but an adjective+body part.

Me: i'm not the one who randomly IMs people with strange phrases without context.
Random: and i am not the one who gets all you can eat buffets closed down

A veritable bastion of class and maturity, this one.

I messaged him back that he was the one who messaged me first, but alas, he'd already signed off. For shame.

IRMEDD420 III: The Curse of IRMEDD420

I love it when I have repeat offenders.

Keep in mind that the conversation to this point has been him calling me "baby," then telling me which of the pictures on my profile he liked the best.

IRMEDD420: so you arent interested eh?
Me: should i be?
IRMEDD420: i think you should wanna go out
IRMEDD420: :)
Me: why's that?
IRMEDD420: b/c as i said your sexy

Apparently, the gentleman thinks that mama raised a fool. I did attempt to clarify, though...

Me: i should want to go out with you because you said i'm sexy?
IRMEDD420: lol

But, but, but isn't that what he just implied? It's times like these when I question my own reading comprehension.

IRMEDD420: uh i would hope you'd be attracted to me as well?
Me: so i should go out with you because you said i'm sexy and you hope i'd be attracted to you?

All I'm looking for is an answer--a simple, succinct answer...

IRMEDD420: listen...do you meet many people here?

Apparently, he thinks he's Socrates: "I will answer your question by asking you a question."

Me: a fair amount, i'd say.

This is a lie. In the year I've frequented OKCupid, I have met a grand total of four men. I wonder why that could possibly be.

IRMEDD420: how? when you try tp be all superior and act bitchy?
IRMEDD420: damn

Oh, right. That's why.

Me: i'm just trying to make sure i understand what you're asking!

That's a lie, too. I be trollin', I be hatin'...

IRMEDD420: just cause your sexy doesnt mean you can act pretentious
Me: why not?
IRMEDD420: seriously?

Me: how can you even question my seriousness?

IRMEDD420: b/c its okc aND WE HAVE NO inflection WE JUST TYPE

Me: fair enough.

They be hatin'...on my trollin'...

IRMEDD420:well i got other women dieing to abuse me lol
Me: i am sure.

Oh, you wanted an argument? I'm sorry; this is abuse. You'll want room 12A.

IRMEDD420:go be all snooty by your lonesome bitch

Somehow, I'm pretty sure that a couple of AAs and my right hand will give me more satisfaction than he ever could.

Ugh, being a good person is SO HARD.

So... The man with the intrusive question from this post returned for an IM conversation the other day. And I will say...it wasn't going horribly. Until this happened.


Talking about how he was at a local bar for New Year's Eve...

redflag: but was only for a short period of time, before the colored folks showed up
me: ...colored?
redflag: oh cmon
redflag: not that i am racist or anything
me: "colored" is not an okay term to use unless you're talking about pre-integration periods in the south.
redflag: it's not a term i use often
redflag: was something that just came to mind
me: yeah, well, just so you know, it might lead people to believe you're ignorant.

I don't buy that it "just came to mind." Not for a second. But whatever. I had nothing else to do. So I kept talking to him.


Now we were discussing his late night trip to Denny's the night before.

redflag: it's always a great time
redflag: especially when the food is on the house
redflag: unbenounced to them
redflag: lmao
me: you...did a dine and ditch?
redflag: i did
redflag: well, my group did

Mind you, he's 26 years old.


me: that's really not cool.
redflag: i was with 4 other friends and the generally consensus was to dine and ditch
redflag: obviously i am not going to get on my moral high horse and say "hey guys cmon, thats not cool"
me: why not?
redflag: for one thing i was an bit too innebriated, and secondly they would of done it reguardless and i would of been the jackass to take care of the bill
me: I'd rather pay the whole bill if it meant I'd find out what kind of "friends" I had.
redflag: hey what can i say, when my friends and I are drunk...we get a little crazy

That's right... "My friends and I." They were all drunk. And got in a car to go to Denny's. Awesome.

We argued for a while about ethics, and his basic response was, "I'm not proud of it, but it's funny." You just took money out of someone's pocket, and you could have killed someone driving drunk. Oh yeah...LOL. I was done with that.


He returned late last night with this nugget.

redflag: i think you might find it interesting to know that denny's called the cops and they reviewed survellance tapes and one of my friends cars got ID'd and they called him at 5am and told him if he does not pay the bill they will arrest him, so he went down and payed the bill

Now that? That's funny.


Of course I got lectured for being judgmental, and he defended his behavior as "living on the edge" and told me I should "try it sometime."

redflag: well, yah know...if you feel like this situation is enough to deem me as someone who is unworthy of your time then so be it
redflag: but perhaps it would behoove you to forgo some of you qualms about people and there behavior cause you might find that with a few exceptions there might be a great person behind the bullshit they do

(insert eyeroll here)

You do stupid teenage shit like get wasted and drive, then run out on a bill in your late twenties, and use an archaic, ignorant term for another race. But I'm in the wrong? Of course I am. Because I'm turning you down.


Grown-ups and non-hypocrites: Endangered species.

"Creepy" Is a State of Mind

I suppose a year is a fair amount of time to message someone for the second time. There's always a chance they've forgotten about you in the intervening time. Or perhaps their standards have lowered since that first message.

Unfortunately for this guy, neither has happened to me. I'm not sure my standards will ever be that low. He just sent me a boring IM this time ("hi") and I spazzed out and linked his profile to a friend of mine who pointed out this:


But what is really the icing on the cake is that this fifty-nine year old man who is looking for women aged nineteen to thirty-five has this in his profile:

The most private thing I'm willing to admit
is my fear of dating, even online dating, I've heard their are a lots of sick people out there ... but I'm still willing to put myself out here ... nothing to loose and every-thing to gain ... Like is just to short not to enjoy ... How about you ?

Emphasis in red mine.

My inner monologue as I read that: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *inhale* HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.