I was laying in bed, snuggling with my kitten, and listening to my roommate rant about something or another when I got an IM from someone on OKCupid. I asked my roommate to lean over and see who it was. He told me it was someone with the handle…
No, wait, I’m not going to out the poor guy. Suffice it to say that it was something to the effect of IRMEDD420. To quote my roommate, “Yeah, putting 420 in your screen name just shouts out that you might have a problem.”
I responded with “I’m tempted to talk to him just for some fodder for my blog,” but ultimately decided that kitten snuggling was more important.
After I finally got up, I did go look at his profile, just to make sure I wasn’t passing up a once-in-a-lifetime chance. Here are my favourite parts.
I AM A VERY EASY GOING GUY. I'D LOVE THE OPPURTUNITY TO MEET A NURTURING EDUCATED WOMAN. I'M YOUR AVERAGE GUY, WITH SHORT BROWN HAIR, AND LIGHT GREEN EYES
What I’m doing with my life
TAKING SOME TIME OFF FROM SCHOOL WHILE I TRY TO DECIDE WHAT I WANT TO STUDY
Neither of those would cause me pause by themselves, but juxtaposed like that in a single profile…especially one with “420” in the handle…well…I’m looking in my crystal ball and I’m seeing something that starts with an M and ends with OOCHER.
I’m really good at
LEARNING, ADAPTING, EMPATHY, COMPASSION, I LIKE TO THINK I'M DECENT AT THEM ALL
He is also characterized by judicious use of the CAPSLOCK key.
The six things I could never do without
BESIDES OBVIOUS THINGS LIKE AIR AND WATER? MY SANITY, MY FAMILY, MUSIC, TV, LOVE
That would be five things besides the obvious. I’m going to go ahead and fill in WEED as the sixth, just to round it out.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit here
I CAN BE A VERY SEXUALLY DOMINANT MAN
Is it any surprise to you that he lists himself as being 5’5? No? Didn’t surprise me, either.
You should message me if
YOU DONT MIND THE FACT THAT I DO NOT HAVE A CAR
Not “if you like what you see” or “if you enjoy SCUBA diving” or “if you’re bored,” but if I mind that he doesn’t have a car? Also, my moochalarm suddenly went into overdrive.