Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Meet Matthew

Girls, I’d like to introduce you to Matthew.

Matthew is a thirty-one year old Service Advisor for a small GM dealership. He enjoys camping, cooking, going dancing, dining out, going to the movies, and traveling. He has dark brown hair and brown eyes, but before I go into too much detail, let’s ask Matthew what he’s looking for in a girl…

HAVE TO BE OUT GOING AND ENJOY SPORTS. ALSO HAS TO BE ABLE TO TAKE AND GIVE SARCASM AND JUST BE OUT GOING

AAAH! WHY ARE WE YELLING?! I mean, okay, ahem…so he’d like his lady to be outgoing and enjoy sports as well as have a finely tuned sense of sarcasm and be outgoing. I have a feeling he’d also like her to be outgoing, but that may just be conjecture on my part.

Now that we’ve perused his tagline, let’s look at the rest of his profile, shall we?

I LOVE BEING OUTDOORS AND PLAYING SPORTS. HATE SOAR LOSERS AND NOT A BIG FAN OF PEOPLE WHO ALWAYS HAVE TO BE THE CENTER OF ATTENTION.


What a soar loser may look like.

I AM VERY OUTGOING AND DO NOT LIKE TOO SIT STILL MUCH. PERSONALITY IS THE NUMBER ONE THING I LOOK FOR IN A PERSON.

I’m getting this vibe. This vibe of someone very…outgoing…perhaps?

I AM VERY BIG HEARTED AND LOVE TOO MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH. IF YOU ARE NOT INTO SARCASM THEN YOU WILL NOT BE INTO ME.

Sarcasm: (n) sarcasm, irony, satire, caustic remark (witty language used to convey insults or scorn)

Therefore, if one is big-hearted, chances are one isn’t very sarcastic. One might be quite witty, but sarcastic is something one would not be.

Also, if one doesn’t stop shouting, one will not be into me, if one gets my drift. Just sayin’.

I THINK IT IS GREAT WHEN PEOPLE CAN LAUGH AT THEMSELVES( I LAUGH AT MY SELF ALL THE TIME. ESP WHEN I TRY SINGING)

I would concur. See, ladies? He has a sense of humour, oh, and look…he also loves to cook.

I ENJOY COOKING AND HOPEFULLY YOU WOULD ENJOY DOING THE DISHES IF I COOKED FOR YOU

Why am I suddenly reminded of that scene in The Breakup where Jennifer Aniston’s character says “I want you to WANT to do the dishes!”? And they say guys don’t understand that kind of nuance.

So, what do you say, girls? Want to go on a date with Matthew?

1 comment:

  1. "HOPEFULLY YOU WOULD ENJOY DOING THE DISHES IF I COOKED FOR YOU"

    LOLwut?

    First off, caps lock is cruise control for fucking retarded. Second of all, anybody who's gotta tell you how sarcastic he is that many times is obviously missing the point.

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