Thursday, February 18, 2010

Internet and the Art of Speed Dating

I think what gets me the most about Internet dating is that people tend to want to go at the speed of light instead of letting a relationship grow and blossom on its own accord.

CraftyCanuck: hi there
Me: hello
CraftyCanuck: nice tomeeet u

This is exactly what I mean. We haven’t actually met, have we? Not even in really the Internet-meaning of “meet” as I don’t even know his name. He did, eventually, introduce himself, though. Then, the moving too fast continued.

CraftyCanuck: have you been single long
Me: about a year, i suppose.
CraftyCanuck: not much fun is it

Gets right down to business, doesn’t he?

CraftyCanuck: i am 40 is that ok with you
Me: why wouldn't it be?
CraftyCanuck: thought you might be looking for around your age
Me: according to your profile, you're also in canada, no?

My point here is that even if he’s forty years old, HE’S IN CANADA, so it’s no skin off my nose to just talk to the guy. According to Google Maps, he’s approximately seven hours from where I live. This nuance was lost on CraftyCanuck, though, as he proceeded to tell me that Canada’s “not that far” from where I live.

Unless his penis is made of solid gold, I’m pretty sure it’s “that far.”

CraftyCanuck: do you have kids?
Me: nope.
Me: unless you count my kitten.
CraftyCanuck: lol do you want kids
Me: someday. :)
CraftyCanuck: kool how many do you want?
Me: somewhere between 1 and 3.
CraftyCanuck: kool 3-4 would be nice

At this point, we’ve been talking for approximately ten minutes. Now, I want kids. I really want kids. I would like nothing more than to have a couple running around willy-nilly. I feel, however, that this is more of a third/fourth date sort of conversation.

In other words, bringing it up now? Not gonna lie—that’s creepy. Not as creepy as this, though:

CraftyCanuck: do u drive
Me: i do.
CraftyCanuck: me2
CraftyCanuck: do u have ur own place
Me: i have a roommate.
CraftyCanuck: they always there lol
Me: most of the time.
CraftyCanuck: ok then you might have to come here lol

Because driving to Canada to meet some forty year old guy I’ve been talking to for twenty minutes is a FABULOUS IDEA. Let me go fill up my car with some gasoline and hit the road!

Let's be clear here: when I had an Internet friend who I had met before in person come stay with me, I made sure my roommate would be home not because I didn't trust that Internet friend but because I trust no Internet people the first few times.

I believe this has kept me out of the newspaper headlines.

CraftyCanuck: maybe we should talk on the phone next then
CraftyCanuck: would u like that?
Me: i don't generally give out my phone number to people i've talked to once.
CraftyCanuck: i dont bite lol
Me: i'm sure.
CraftyCanuck: kool it would be niceto sayhi
CraftyCanuck: whats your number plz
Me: i'm not giving out my number. sorry.
CraftyCanuck: no prob just thought be niceto talk

And thus the conversation ended on a bit of a whiny note from my new Canadian friend. After that, he asked me what I liked to do, and I answered, but didn't get another response.

Note to self: Be more forceful when stating that I’m not giving out my phone number. Something more like “HELL TO THE NO, CREEPSTER.”

1 comment:

  1. Wait. You MADE SURE Pete was there because you didn't trust me? D: