Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Me and Mr. Perfect. Again.

So this is the continuation of the saga involving the fantastic fellow I mentioned in my last entry, Mr. Perfect. The following conversation took place a week after the first one. I had already told him, in no uncertain terms, that I found him to be wholly reprehensible and did not care to speak with him again.

(10:35:07 pm)mrperfect: i want to get some dinner with you
(10:35:20 pm)me: that's a funny joke.
(10:35:30 pm)mrperfect: yup why you moody still?
(10:35:46 pm)me: because you're an ass?
(10:35:55 pm)mrperfect: i do have a good ass
(10:36:27 pm)mrperfect: my date today liked it
(10:36:33 pm)me: good for your date.
(10:36:41 pm)mrperfect: haha wow r u russian
(10:36:52 pm)me: what does that even mean?
(10:36:54 pm)me: im russian you answer like my grnad ma

I speak like your Russian In English? I'm confused.

This is where it gets downright strange.

(10:38:46 pm)mrperfect: well lets get some coffe at mohgans
(10:38:53 pm)me: let's not.
(10:39:19 pm)mrperfect: yeah i need you
(10:39:35 pm)mrperfect: to try and punch me attack me
(10:39:51 pm)mrperfect: your mean enough for the job
(10:40:38 pm)mrperfect: I need a partner so i can keep practicing my offense
(10:40:57 pm)me: you can keep looking
(10:41:05 pm)mrperfect: nope i want you
(10:41:13 pm)mrperfect: to try and hit me
(10:41:23 pm)mrperfect: kick me
(10:41:23 pm)me: I'm not going to hit you.
(10:41:47 pm)mrperfect: i want to you to try and hit me
(10:41:55 pm)mrperfect: well thats what I like
(10:42:08 pm)me: which is why you need to keep looking
(10:42:55 pm)mrperfect: ill pay you
(10:43:00 pm)mrperfect: to hit me
(10:43:21 pm)mrperfect: best job in an economy like this
(10:43:25 pm)me: no thanks.

I'm sorry...what? I know people have their fetishes, but really? I'm the least violent person I know. I've never hit anyone. Plus this is just fucking weird.

And a total shifting of gears... This is how we know he's perfect.

(10:45:23 pm)mrperfect: how many cars do you have?
(10:45:35 pm)me: uh... just the one, because that's all I need
(10:45:49 pm)mrperfect: what if it brakes down
(10:46:09 pm)mrperfect: or someone punches the windshild out?
(10:46:30 pm)me: I have it covered.
(10:46:40 pm)mrperfect: if you had 5 like me you could just get in the other one
(10:46:58 pm)me: I don't want to do anything like you.
(10:47:15 pm)mrperfect: haha i got it all
(10:47:35 pm)mrperfect: green eyes , %100 healthy perfect
(10:47:46 pm)mrperfect: money in bank
(10:47:55 pm)me: you're not perfect. go ahead and think you are, but you're not.
(10:48:03 pm)mrperfect: yes i am
(10:48:27 pm)me: like I said...keep thinking it.
(10:48:27 pm)mrperfect: model john casablancas
(10:49:02 pm)me: I don't care.

Five cars? In pieces in the mud outside your trailer, right? Look at me. I'm so turned on. Oh, no...wait... That's nausea.

(10:53:18 pm)mrperfect: ohh ok be nice
(10:53:36 pm)me: why should I be nice? you haven't
(10:53:45 pm)mrperfect: yes ia m nice i like you
(10:53:57 pm)me: I still don't like you.
(10:54:20 pm)mrperfect: why dont you like me?
(10:54:40 pm)me: you're a pompous, condescending, self-righteous jackass.
(10:55:29 pm)mrperfect: hum well i think im nice
(10:56:00 pm)me: oh really? why don't you look back on some of the things you said the last time we talked?
(10:56:16 pm)mrperfect: thats cause you were being mean
(10:56:25 pm)mrperfect: i didnt mean nay of them
(10:56:44 pm)me: I wasn't being mean. I was being uninterested, and you were getting defensive.
(10:57:01 pm)me: you were obviously pissed off that I didn't think you were "perfect," and you got insulting.
(10:57:03 pm)mrperfect: naah
(10:57:29 pm)mrperfect: well we should get soem drinks and talk about it
(10:57:39 pm)me: no. no we shouldn't.
(10:57:46 pm)mrperfect: why?
(10:57:53 pm)me: because I don't like you.
(10:57:58 pm)me: I don't know how much more clear I can be.

The point...he does not has it.

And then this random-ass gem...

(10:58:17 pm)mrperfect: clear cb-300 chastity belt
(10:58:34 pm)me: ...what?
(10:59:00 pm)mrperfect: CB-3000 clear chastity belt women love them look on line

I still don't know where the fuck that came from and how it was relevant, but...okay.

And this was how it ended.

(11:00:18 pm)mrperfect: you rock sweety bye
(11:00:35 pm)me: ugh, don't you ever call me that... and don't message me again.
(11:00:54 pm)mrperfect: hum ok lots more on here

It should be noted that he messaged me on three more occasions. THREE. I did not reply.

So kids...what have we learned? You cannot be perfect unless you have multiple vehicles and like getting the shit beat out of you. Ah, now we all have something to which we can aspire!

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