Unsent.

On occasion, though I'm typically not afraid to mock the stupid, I will refrain from unleashing my bitchery on some unsuspecting moron. I know, it's hard to believe. But I do, sometimes, hold my tongue.

Had I felt like putting forth the effort, these are the responses I would send to some recent winners.


I got this one last night. "ur cutee how r u>" (It's also important to mention the subject line was "hryy.")

What, exactly, are you trying to say here? Are you dictating to your dog or something?


I'm assuming this was in reference to my profile, in which I say I think I'm a gay man in a straight woman's body. "So does that mean that im A Homosexual ?????"

No, it means you are B Homosexual. And your ? key appears to be stuck. Alternately: Yes, it means you are a homosexual. And, as a female, I find dating male homosexuals to be problematic. So I'm sorry, I don't think it's going to work out.


This seems fine on the surface... "I came across your profile, thought you were cute an just wanted to say Hi. Plus i love your smile!"

Nice form message, jackass. I'm not actually smiling in any of my pictures. How many of these did you send out tonight? 10? 20? Maybe one of them will think they're special.


This guy sent me two separate messages in the same night. First: "I'm always on. Wanna talk? I always have something to say. I'm bored." And four hours later: "I'm not creepy... But I am bored. If you could change something about yourself, what would it be & why?"

Either you're incredibly persistent or you're sending a message to every woman in a twenty-five mile radius and you forgot you'd already gotten to me. And by the way, that question? Is creepy.


Totally out of nowhere... "Hi I'd really like to talk but my Internet is screwing up. You should call me 518XXXXXXX."

You do realize you just sent me this...on the internet, right? Also: No.


...why didn't I reply again?