I can assume you're not fat.

Oh CraigsList...

This ad starts off just fine.

I am 28 year old SWM, never married no kids. Often told that I’m very attractive and believe so myself. Shorter brown hair, blue eyes, 6’3” 225, athletic build. I’m confident, intelligent, pragmatic, honest, and real. I am as far from your standard regular old guy as you could possibly imagine. I like being different, and unique and definitely am both. I’m very social and outgoing, can get by in just about any situation, and talk to any people. I do not smoke, do not do any drugs, and currently am on hiatus from drinking but will be back at it soon. I do like to party and be crazy, but I am also a very responsible professional. I own my own house and business for example.

I am in to a million different hobbies/activities including but by no means limited to mountain biking, hiking, camping, high pointing, surfing, snowboarding, fishing, shooting, working out, jogging, golf, brewing beer, wine, gardening, cooking, going to the movies, making movies, video games, Real Estate, astronomy, psychology, my hot tub and more (yes this is purposely random and as you can see a comprehensive list just to name a few!). I’m very in to sports and watch baseball and football religiously (Yankees and Patriots!!), along with a few others.

Okay, maybe a little cocky. But he's just selling himself, so whatever. Nothing too reprehensible.

But then...

I’d like to find a woman who enjoys some of my interests to share with me, yet is very independent with her own friends, own interests, and would not need to spend every waking moment with me. Being clingy or dependent is very much a turnoff to me. I need someone who is fun to be around and can hold intellectual stimulating conversations; Standard talk about “how was work today” and “what your brother Billy did this weekend” will not cut it or get us very far! A Potential partner must not smoke, must not have kids or former relationship drama, and should like to drink socially and party hard on occasion. Own car a must, legitimate job or at least self-supporting a must, and own place would be a plus. I’m not looking to support anyone and will not.

Oh. Well. What I read here is, "I attract women that are boring gold-diggers who can't take care of themselves." Darling, you must take a long, hard look at yourself to figure out why that is...

Age is not super important to me but for ease of use let’s say 23 to 35. Finally, call me shallow if you want but this person I’m looking for must be attractive. Height and weight are most important 5-6 to 5-11 being ideal with a fit, lean body (I am a boob man too though). NO FAT WOMEN: since when did it become socially acceptable for so many overweight people to be boisterous about their body?! Pretty face and longer hair (no tom boy cuts) also required. So, yes, for a relationship I’m looking for an 8 or 9 or better to match me.

It all makes sense now. You're stuck with those horrible women because you're a horrible man.

And regarding the part I bolded... REALLY?! Since when did it become socially acceptable to be a demanding, self-righteous, narrow-minded prick? Hmm?

I don’t have much time or desire to go out to the clubs or bars to find women so let’s see how this works out. Send a full body picture with your message just so I can assume you’re not fat. Then let’s talk and meet up, maybe enjoy a dinner together, or just drinks in the hot tub and see where it goes from there!

Should I send him random pictures of fat women from a Google image search? I bet he'd like that.

Fucker.