An Unusual Fetish, Take Two (and Call Me in the Morning)

I'm in England. I should be sleeping having spent most of my day walking around Stratford-upon-Avon, not checking my OKC account, but sometimes I just can't help myself. I don't even know what possessed me to even type in the address in my browser.

Imagine my surprise (or complete lack thereof) to find a message from this guy and his desire to discuss his fetish only this time, he's a little more quick to the point:

Hey there! How are you? Do you have a BP cuff? Would you like to talk on Yahoo/Skype?

Because, as a friend of mine said, "Yeah, I totally have a blood pressure cuff. Who doesn't?" I could hear the sarcasm across the Atlantic Ocean.

But what really gets me is that the guy is from North Carolina. I'm (usually) in Pennsylvania. We're not particularly well matched on OKC's rating system. How the heck did he find me twice?

A Hot, Classy Contradiction

A fellow by the user name of drlove[number redacted] IMed me while I was getting my hair cut, but when I got home, I took a look at his profile.

Without going into a whole feminist rant regarding the chauvinistic problem of being a lady in the street and a freak in the bed...

You should message me if
You are a hot classy chick and freaky at the same time. If you can act like a evil and an angel at the same time.
If you can be wild and moderate at same time.

...it strikes me that a lot of these profiles read much like horoscopes in that they could really apply to anyone, anywhere. Unless you happen to be Ned Flanders, chances are you are "classy" on the outside, but are also concealing some sort of deep, dark secret.

Or perhaps just a moderately deep, leaning towards dark secret.

For example, I'm secretly a man which makes this site that much funnier, doesn't it?

Or am I?

Amadei's Quick and Dirty Profile Translator

What He Says: "I'm very laid back and hate drama."
What He Means: "I bring a lot of drama into my life, but I don't realize the common denominator in all my drama is me."

What He Says: "I'm looking for someone who isn't already jaded from previous relationships."
What He Means: "I'm jaded, but I expect you not to be."

What He Says: "Also, age really does not matter as long as you know where you are going."
What He Means: "I'd prefer you be somewhere in the eighteen to twenty-one year old age range (even though I'm thirty-two)."

What He Says: "As for books, I like any of the Dan Brown books and am currently reading Cramer's first book on investing (ugh, not really fun)."
What He Means: "I am a boring, uncreative man."

What He Says: "You should message me if you enjoy having fun and are not high maintenance."
What He Means: "I expect you to be generic and not expect me to tell you that you're pretty. Ever."

Some people should never talk about themselves.

Bits and pieces from recent browsing.


I'm extremely good at adding and subtracting numbers that are less than 3 digits. If you give me two numbers or in some case three that fall in that range....like 45+20+10. that's 75. I crank that out all day..... if that's the sorta thing you're into.

So...you're really good at elementary-level arithmetic? Wow. That makes me so hot. If you can read The Cat in the Hat, I'll take my panties off.


I need to work on my sense of humor, or lack thereof.
I am the least arrogant person I know, but I do not know many people.

This guy must be a riot at parties.


I am a bit of a "Technology" Nut. ... I'm a "avid" video game player ... I'm really good at "Puzzle Solving."

Also a "fan" of "unnecessary" quotation "marks."


At some point i plan on going to collage to study archeology and become an archeologist, because i really studying and learning about ancient civilizations.

You might want to start with spelling. Just sayin'.


im interested in metting someone active and interested in relationship possily some one who likes animals and wants too do interesting things anyone who wants too talk can message me hopefully close too me

This atrocious run-on with poor spelling and homophone confusion is bad enough. But the most notable thing? He had pictures of both himself and his pitbull on his profile, and they looked alike. I shit you not.


I am not great at this. It feels too much like updating my resume or writing a performance appraisal. I can just give out some more basics; I'm a good guy, a great listener, very funny, emotional stable, and other things that I am probably forgetting at the moment. If there is something else you want to know about me, just ask.

Zzzz... I'm sorry, that was so generic. I fell asleep.


And my favorite, which was probably just a typo, but still amusing.

Well for starters I would say that I have a very laid back person.

Like...in your freezer? Locked in a closet? Should I call the police?

I'm Almost Too Bored to Type This

Let's pretend you're a single guy. You decide that you don't really want to be a single guy anymore, but you don't really go to bars and all your friends are married, so it's difficult to find a girl. Somehow, you find out about a dating website called OKCupid, so you decide to make a profile. You sit down and the best you can come up with is this:


Don't be too dismayed when no one messages you.