Friday, January 29, 2010

Over before it began.

Just like if one is dating in the "real world," the approach is incredibly important. Of course, when online, men are far more willing to say crazy shit because it won't get them kneed in the junk. Here are eight of the worst opening lines I've had used on me.

(10:23:24 pm): so heather i see your a atheist

Really? Right away? Here's a tip: Religion is not an opener, my friend. Especially when coupled with bad grammar.

(2:14:17 pm): why dont you be my judge on webcam, I have a new underwear lol

"A new underwear"? Just the one? That's disappointing. And what am I judging? If I don't like the underwear, will he return them? So many questions...

(7:33:02 pm): hi want to talk about panties

Interestingly But I'm thinking this guy should get together with the guy above, and they can rate one another's undergarments all night long.

(1:35:07 am): damm that is a very sexy rack
(1:36:06 am): guess u hear that alot lol

Dating sites have things like "winks" and "nudges." Why isn't "virtual slap" an option?

(3:51:35 am):yo
(3:52:09 am):u like bein on ur knees?

Not particularly. I'd much prefer if you offered me a chair.

(11:50:12 pm): Do you happen to know how to check blood pressure?

Is this an emergency? Hold on, let me give you the number for 911...

(1:42:14 pm): omg ur so sucha girl ewwwwwwwwwwww

Okay, this was after I'd told him off in a previous conversation, so it was a re-approach. But I still have no idea what it means.

And here's a personal favorite, and how I'd like to start every conversation from now until the end of time:

(3:10:41 am): Heya, toots. What is the scent of your feet at present?

The moral of the story: Stick with "hello," gentlemen. Please...just stick with "hello."

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