Me and Mr. Perfect.

(Warning: Long.)

This guy is one of my favorites, because he brought the crazy for me not once, but twice. So yes, there will be another installment.

(Irrelevant or excessively lengthy parts have been edited out. His screen name is also not "mrperfect." And I apologize for his atrocious spelling.)

First of all, he shared this informational assault at the beginning of the conversation, completely umprompted.

(1:44:28 am)mrperfect: nice to meet you great pic im just drinking beer and watching tv
(1:45:45 am)mrperfect: yeah you got a great look going on I work in th emedicla field and a union job for 8 yrs
(1:46:46 am)mrperfect: I workout, like mma and drag racing
(1:47:45 am)mrperfect: I eat workout and like to travel
(1:48:07 am)me: uh, cool
(1:48:49 am)mrperfect: thanks I love attention and like when a women is touchy feley
(1:49:14 am)me: okay...
(1:49:21 am)mrperfect: I own a house next tot eh mohegan sun casino

That is...fantastic. But I didn't ask. Soon after...

(2:04:15 am)mrperfect: we should meet for dinner
(2:04:21 am)me: um..
(2:04:26 am)me: not after 10 minutes, sorry
(2:04:49 am)mrperfect: ok we will chat till you fall asleep
(2:05:04 am)me: I wouldn't be so certain about that.
(2:05:24 am)mrperfect: umm I would everyone else gives me their number
(2:07:00 am)mrperfect: want to call one
(2:07:14 am)mrperfect: ill give you a number
(2:07:24 am)me: no.. I don't want to call anyone

What is this, a job interview? I don't give a shit about your references.

(2:16:02 am)mrperfect: I bet i can get more numbers than you
(2:16:27 am)me: I bet I don't even want to be involved in that competition.
(2:16:32 am)mrperfect: leave you with nothing haha
(2:16:50 am)mrperfect: you still be on here in 5 more years
(2:17:15 am)me: it's worth it if I meet someone who doesn't just want to fuck me.
(2:17:36 am)mrperfect: I dopnt want to fuck you
(2:17:47 am)mrperfect: who said I want to fuick you
(2:17:52 am)me: feeling's mutual.
(2:18:02 am)me: just saying... that's over half of the people that talk to me here
(2:19:14 am)me: Im selctive im in shape ex model
(2:19:47 am)me: and you're really modest, too

Please. If you didn't want to fuck me, you wouldn't have asked to meet me right away. You're just upset I turned you down. Evidence...

(2:22:40 am)mrperfect: youll be on here forever
(2:22:59 am)mrperfect: with your awkward thinking
(2:23:08 am)mrperfect: thinking I wan to fuck you
(2:23:23 am)me: um, I never said you.
(2:23:23 am)mrperfect: wehat do you think your the hotest here
(2:23:38 am)me: did I say that?
(2:23:44 am)mrperfect: your soem kind of model uinder 20,000 a year
(2:23:55 am)mrperfect: yeah everyone wants you
(2:24:04 am)me: wow... you're just an immature asshole. way to go.
(2:24:06 am)mrperfect: well ose the attitute your not all that
(2:24:17 am)mrperfect: i ve been arounda ll that
(2:24:20 am)me: didn't say I was.
(2:24:22 am)me: neither are you.
(2:24:26 am)mrperfect: in mdeling school etc
(2:24:51 am)me: who's talking about being a model? oh right, just you.
(2:24:58 am)mrperfect: i was
(2:25:24 am)me: your bragging is not becoming, just so you know. and neither is your shit attitude.

And just in case anyone was wondering...

(2:26:48 am)mrperfect: get ambushed inmens changing rooms today at wal mart and tj maxx
(2:27:02 am)mrperfect: like leaches

Yeah. I'm sure that's true. (It was probably because you stole something.)

Some of the stuff I left out: Him asking me if he should have sex with a married woman; him telling me one of the women he slept with had "huge beasts" (which I assume means "breasts") and I might like her; that he said was clearly wasting his time, but talked for another twenty minutes; and then finally informing me that I should date a Mexican man (I... what?).

Part two gets really good. Stay tuned.