You should message me if
You are sick and fucking tired of people online flaking the fuck out and not giving you a straight answer.
Unlike some people I've met on here I will call if I can't make a planned on date and I better have a good reason cause besides illness or death I can't understand why I'd fuck up plans to go somewhere.
If I don't like you I'll tell you. If you ask why you failed to impress me I'll tell you.
I really have no illusions as to why this man is still single.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Sunday, May 9, 2010
This Post Starring David Bowie's Area
OKCupid has a feature called "Icebreaker" wherein it gives you a topic and a "mystery match." You write out your little message about the topic and it sends it off to about three other people who supposedly have that interest also.
I received one today with the subject "pans labyrinth." The entire body of the message?
Now, anyone who's seen Labyrinth is probably very familiar with David Bowie's Area, because it pretty much is the biggest star in the movie. The biggest...anything...in the movie, actually. So there's really no doubt to what, exactly, my mystery match was referring.
Except that the movie Labyrinth is VASTLY DIFFERENT from the movie Pan's Labyrinth.
One's sort of a fantasy word where a girl is searching for her baby brother who's been kidnapped, and one's REALLY FUCKING FREAKY.
And includes no Bowie balls. At all.
So to you, mystery match: failsauce.
I received one today with the subject "pans labyrinth." The entire body of the message?
bowie balls. :D
Now, anyone who's seen Labyrinth is probably very familiar with David Bowie's Area, because it pretty much is the biggest star in the movie. The biggest...anything...in the movie, actually. So there's really no doubt to what, exactly, my mystery match was referring.
Except that the movie Labyrinth is VASTLY DIFFERENT from the movie Pan's Labyrinth.
One's sort of a fantasy word where a girl is searching for her baby brother who's been kidnapped, and one's REALLY FUCKING FREAKY.
And includes no Bowie balls. At all.
So to you, mystery match: failsauce.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Snippets from Today's Browsing
These all came from different profiles:
The first things people usually notice about me
My face and my whole body and my earrings
Way to narrow it down there, Sparky. Is there anything they don't notice first?
My favorite books, movies, music, and food
are you fucking kidding me........ask
Damn...and here I thought I was reading your profile to get some information about you. Methinks someone has slightly missed the point.
My Self-Summary
I'M LOOKING FOR A WOMAN WHO MAKES ME HAPPY AND HAS THE SAME LIFE GOALS AS I DO . I LOVE TO TRAVEL AND PLAY SPORTS. I LOVE TO JOKE AND LAUGH. HOBBIES ARE MMA AND INVESTMENTS. I LOVE ANIMALS AND AM VERY CLOSE TO MY FAMILY. I OWN A SUCCESSFUL BUSINESS THAT HAS BEEN GROWING RAPIDLY. I HAVE ONE SIBLING; AN OLDER BROTHER WHO IS AUTISTIC. I AM NOT A BORING PERSON AND FIND FUN IN ANYTHING. I AM CURRENTLY TRAINING HARD FOR A FIGHT IN ATLANTIC CITY AND ENJOY THE EXERCISE.
MMA and...investments? What makes this one give me a headache even more than the undying capslock is that he actually had someone edit this with the OKCupid editing tool...which is doubly odd because that person's profile is actually decent. I mean, were I a guy, I'd hit it.
Er, whut?
My favorite books...
I just finished Blink, which presumes to be about the efficacy of snap judgments. It concludes that you should a) always trust snap judgments and b) never, ever trust snap judgments. There - I just saved you $17.99. You're welcome.
Okay, so that last one wasn't a Rotten Fish; I thought everyone might appreciate the book review.
The Rotten Fish of the Sea: Saving you money that you could have spent on bad books since 2010.
The first things people usually notice about me
My face and my whole body and my earrings
Way to narrow it down there, Sparky. Is there anything they don't notice first?
My favorite books, movies, music, and food
are you fucking kidding me........ask
Damn...and here I thought I was reading your profile to get some information about you. Methinks someone has slightly missed the point.
My Self-Summary
I'M LOOKING FOR A WOMAN WHO MAKES ME HAPPY AND HAS THE SAME LIFE GOALS AS I DO . I LOVE TO TRAVEL AND PLAY SPORTS. I LOVE TO JOKE AND LAUGH. HOBBIES ARE MMA AND INVESTMENTS. I LOVE ANIMALS AND AM VERY CLOSE TO MY FAMILY. I OWN A SUCCESSFUL BUSINESS THAT HAS BEEN GROWING RAPIDLY. I HAVE ONE SIBLING; AN OLDER BROTHER WHO IS AUTISTIC. I AM NOT A BORING PERSON AND FIND FUN IN ANYTHING. I AM CURRENTLY TRAINING HARD FOR A FIGHT IN ATLANTIC CITY AND ENJOY THE EXERCISE.
MMA and...investments? What makes this one give me a headache even more than the undying capslock is that he actually had someone edit this with the OKCupid editing tool...which is doubly odd because that person's profile is actually decent. I mean, were I a guy, I'd hit it.
Er, whut?
My favorite books...
I just finished Blink, which presumes to be about the efficacy of snap judgments. It concludes that you should a) always trust snap judgments and b) never, ever trust snap judgments. There - I just saved you $17.99. You're welcome.
Okay, so that last one wasn't a Rotten Fish; I thought everyone might appreciate the book review.
The Rotten Fish of the Sea: Saving you money that you could have spent on bad books since 2010.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Pedantic Ama Is Pedantic
Maybe it's just the English major in me that twitches when people don't actually respond to the question they're asked, but at least it keeps me from settling, right?
Take my new friend here: he popped up in my local matches, and the first thing I saw was this:
My Self-Summary
i need a woman who still understands what it means to be a woman. treat me like a man and I will honor you like the woman you are.
Forgive me for being pedantic, but that isn't really a summary of him, is it? Well, I guess the second sentence is, sorta, but the first sentence...it's pushing the limit in my opinion.
Even beyond that, what the hell does it even mean, exactly? "Understands what it means to be a woman"? Right now, I think that "meaning to be a woman" is having this pain radiating out of my lower back down my left leg whilst I enjoy other...uncomfortable things...that will last probably three more days.
Though I doubt that he'd want me to tell him about those particular trials and tribulations.
Or is he one of those guys who will tell his daughter that she can be anything she wants to be, but wants his wife pregnant and peeling grapes all the time? I can only assume that "treating him like a man" involves the aforementioned peeled grapes and copious amounts of fellatio.
I think we need some clarification.
Edit, 5/6/2010: One of my friends just informed me that she got this fine fellow in her QuickMatch. Dude gets around, doesn't he!
Take my new friend here: he popped up in my local matches, and the first thing I saw was this:
My Self-Summary
i need a woman who still understands what it means to be a woman. treat me like a man and I will honor you like the woman you are.
Forgive me for being pedantic, but that isn't really a summary of him, is it? Well, I guess the second sentence is, sorta, but the first sentence...it's pushing the limit in my opinion.
Even beyond that, what the hell does it even mean, exactly? "Understands what it means to be a woman"? Right now, I think that "meaning to be a woman" is having this pain radiating out of my lower back down my left leg whilst I enjoy other...uncomfortable things...that will last probably three more days.
Though I doubt that he'd want me to tell him about those particular trials and tribulations.
Or is he one of those guys who will tell his daughter that she can be anything she wants to be, but wants his wife pregnant and peeling grapes all the time? I can only assume that "treating him like a man" involves the aforementioned peeled grapes and copious amounts of fellatio.
I think we need some clarification.
Edit, 5/6/2010: One of my friends just informed me that she got this fine fellow in her QuickMatch. Dude gets around, doesn't he!
Monday, May 3, 2010
He works hard for the money.
Prior to this, the conversation was normal. We exchanged pleasantries, and he said he liked the picture of my cat. Then he awkwardly switches gears.
richfireman: iam firefighter Emt
me: I am...not.
richfireman: what do you do for work
me: retail.
richfireman: cool
Let's note that I haven't changed his chosen name that much; "fireman" is in it. So there wasn't a whole lot of doubt as to what he does for a living. Nor should there have been doubt about my occupation, since I mention it very clearly in my profile.
richfireman: i see you like to play pool
me: eh, yeah, I don't do it often.
richfireman: would like to play sometime
me: well I'm sure I'll play again eventually.
Would [I] like to play sometime? As someone who enjoys pool... Yes, yes I would. This is a silly question. At least I'm assuming it's a question, as it lacks the proper punctuation.
richfireman: i would like to ask you out on a date sometime if thats ok with you
me: it's fine if you ask me. but I'm going to say no.
richfireman: whys that
me: well I don't know enough about you to determine whether I want to consider that.
richfireman: thats ok
me: it's okay that I might not want to consider it? yes, it is.
Yeah, dude. Like I really needed your validation to say no. So I guess the next part was an attempt to share more about himself.
richfireman: so i work a lot
richfireman: my pay for this week is about 200 dollars
I...just... LOL. Is that supposed to impress me? I work a part-time retail job and make more than that. And lemme tell ya, it isn't even close to being enough. I don't really care how much money he makes, but I would like to know in which happy universe he lives where this is a lot of money. And if there are vacancies. But instead I told him I didn't really need to know that information, and...he had nothing else to say.
As I said on Twitter... I continue to be baffled by just how awkward people are online. Not good at face-to-face interaction? Great, neither am I. But why do 75% of these people seem like they just escaped from a cave and haven't spoken to a human being in years?
richfireman: iam firefighter Emt
me: I am...not.
richfireman: what do you do for work
me: retail.
richfireman: cool
Let's note that I haven't changed his chosen name that much; "fireman" is in it. So there wasn't a whole lot of doubt as to what he does for a living. Nor should there have been doubt about my occupation, since I mention it very clearly in my profile.
richfireman: i see you like to play pool
me: eh, yeah, I don't do it often.
richfireman: would like to play sometime
me: well I'm sure I'll play again eventually.
Would [I] like to play sometime? As someone who enjoys pool... Yes, yes I would. This is a silly question. At least I'm assuming it's a question, as it lacks the proper punctuation.
richfireman: i would like to ask you out on a date sometime if thats ok with you
me: it's fine if you ask me. but I'm going to say no.
richfireman: whys that
me: well I don't know enough about you to determine whether I want to consider that.
richfireman: thats ok
me: it's okay that I might not want to consider it? yes, it is.
Yeah, dude. Like I really needed your validation to say no. So I guess the next part was an attempt to share more about himself.
richfireman: so i work a lot
richfireman: my pay for this week is about 200 dollars
I...just... LOL. Is that supposed to impress me? I work a part-time retail job and make more than that. And lemme tell ya, it isn't even close to being enough. I don't really care how much money he makes, but I would like to know in which happy universe he lives where this is a lot of money. And if there are vacancies. But instead I told him I didn't really need to know that information, and...he had nothing else to say.
As I said on Twitter... I continue to be baffled by just how awkward people are online. Not good at face-to-face interaction? Great, neither am I. But why do 75% of these people seem like they just escaped from a cave and haven't spoken to a human being in years?
Friday, April 30, 2010
Quality Bachelors.
Welcome to CraigsList, Western Massachusetts!
So here is the deal I am utterly obsessed with the rain forest and I want out of the US. The idea is simple. My family has property in Costa Rica. To become a citizen can be a hassle. Unless, your child is born in the country, then you can apply to stay there pretty readily. If you are currently pregnant and in a bad situation or if you just want out of here for a few years in a tropical paradise or want to start a family, what ever reasoning might work for you. Let me know. Everything there is fairly cheap and simple there. I am not saying living like a gods is going to happen, but comfortable an lets face it if you have to live comfortable where is nicer the rain forest and tropics or where ever you are now.
Oh yeah. That's a perfect plan for the woman. Leave the country and raise a child with a total stranger. Hope she knows someone who can perform a background check...
Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.
If smelling one another is enough, I've been in love with a couple hundred people. Probably more. God, I'm a slut.
Are you ugly, fat, old, nerdy, or even handicapped? Have you lost all hope of ever getting layed?Well I'm here to help. I'm 37,and a little on the chunky side, but what I lack in looks I more than make up for with the tounge action. (not sayin I'm ugly but I'm no Brad Pitt) I will discreetly come to your house or hotel, and make with the nice nice. Just drop me a line and/or a pic and we'll talk.
So this is, essentially, a pity fuck from a guy who would typically be the recipient of a pity fuck. Awfully nice stroke to the ego, isn't it, Not Brad Pitt?
I'm a fairly young Professor (in my 30s) at an Amherst college, who has always had a thing for precocious, intelligent, and (yes) sexy young women. There's something about the combination of the young female mind and the young female body.. I flatter myself to say that I've had several female students who have had an interest in me over the years. I've never pursued such interests due to the obvious seeming impropriety. However, now that Spring is here, the clothes are skimpier, and we're heading towards the last few weeks of the academic year, I find myself compelled to explore this fantasy further…
This? Is creepy. Thankfully I'm not still in college. Otherwise I'd be wearing about 75 layers to class, worried that my professor is perving on me then posting ads for sex on CraigsList.
Lemme start out by sayin craigslist is pretty awesome. Its helped me get a few trucks sold my camaro n got a bunch of other stuff bought and sold from it so thankkks to Clist! This is a bit different for me than posting a truck or car or anything lol i figured id give it a try seeings how i always check clist for new auto's n stuff. Im 21yrs old an thus far its pretty damn sweet at the moment i am landscaping and doing roofs waiting to leave for basic training in oktober. I am by no means a bum or slackker id say i am far beyond driven! Im good looking i cant lie about that I have no problems getting girls im not a creeper or somebody who sits around the house on the computr 24 7, I am always outside doing something, playing in the woods on 4wheelers or the dirtbike going fishin hunting in the winter. Basically and dont mean to sound shallow but you have to be hot!! Gotta have a graet personality and be able to make me laugh and make fun of me. I can entertain like no other ill say that. If ya wan email me if ya send a pic ill give ya one back. Im sure im bound to get some of them robot sex site emails but whatever ill go around them!!!
I...don't think I need to comment on this.
So here is the deal I am utterly obsessed with the rain forest and I want out of the US. The idea is simple. My family has property in Costa Rica. To become a citizen can be a hassle. Unless, your child is born in the country, then you can apply to stay there pretty readily. If you are currently pregnant and in a bad situation or if you just want out of here for a few years in a tropical paradise or want to start a family, what ever reasoning might work for you. Let me know. Everything there is fairly cheap and simple there. I am not saying living like a gods is going to happen, but comfortable an lets face it if you have to live comfortable where is nicer the rain forest and tropics or where ever you are now.
Oh yeah. That's a perfect plan for the woman. Leave the country and raise a child with a total stranger. Hope she knows someone who can perform a background check...
Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.
If smelling one another is enough, I've been in love with a couple hundred people. Probably more. God, I'm a slut.
Are you ugly, fat, old, nerdy, or even handicapped? Have you lost all hope of ever getting layed?Well I'm here to help. I'm 37,and a little on the chunky side, but what I lack in looks I more than make up for with the tounge action. (not sayin I'm ugly but I'm no Brad Pitt) I will discreetly come to your house or hotel, and make with the nice nice. Just drop me a line and/or a pic and we'll talk.
So this is, essentially, a pity fuck from a guy who would typically be the recipient of a pity fuck. Awfully nice stroke to the ego, isn't it, Not Brad Pitt?
I'm a fairly young Professor (in my 30s) at an Amherst college, who has always had a thing for precocious, intelligent, and (yes) sexy young women. There's something about the combination of the young female mind and the young female body.. I flatter myself to say that I've had several female students who have had an interest in me over the years. I've never pursued such interests due to the obvious seeming impropriety. However, now that Spring is here, the clothes are skimpier, and we're heading towards the last few weeks of the academic year, I find myself compelled to explore this fantasy further…
This? Is creepy. Thankfully I'm not still in college. Otherwise I'd be wearing about 75 layers to class, worried that my professor is perving on me then posting ads for sex on CraigsList.
Lemme start out by sayin craigslist is pretty awesome. Its helped me get a few trucks sold my camaro n got a bunch of other stuff bought and sold from it so thankkks to Clist! This is a bit different for me than posting a truck or car or anything lol i figured id give it a try seeings how i always check clist for new auto's n stuff. Im 21yrs old an thus far its pretty damn sweet at the moment i am landscaping and doing roofs waiting to leave for basic training in oktober. I am by no means a bum or slackker id say i am far beyond driven! Im good looking i cant lie about that I have no problems getting girls im not a creeper or somebody who sits around the house on the computr 24 7, I am always outside doing something, playing in the woods on 4wheelers or the dirtbike going fishin hunting in the winter. Basically and dont mean to sound shallow but you have to be hot!! Gotta have a graet personality and be able to make me laugh and make fun of me. I can entertain like no other ill say that. If ya wan email me if ya send a pic ill give ya one back. Im sure im bound to get some of them robot sex site emails but whatever ill go around them!!!
I...don't think I need to comment on this.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Help, help! I've lost a proton!
I wanted to make a post. One fell into my lap.
This guy asked me for my AIM name right away. And I, uncharacteristically, gave it to him.
mrpositive: you have been on that site for 5 years
me: yep.
mrpositive: damn I just found it
mypositive meet alot of people on there?
me: not really, no.
mrpositive: y not
me: not sure. just don't.
mrpositive: so does that mean u haven't had a bf in over 5 years
Now, let's be clear: One can have a profile on OKCupid and not be single. So this is a marginally silly question.
me: yes.
mrpositive: thats shitty
me: I'm fine with it.
mrpositive: you don't want a bf
me: I don't want to settle, and I haven't met anyone I find worthy of a relationship.
mrpositive: it hasn't been 5 years for sex has it
I despise when men ask me about my sex life ten minutes into a conversation. There are tons of people that I've known for a very long time who don't know the details (for these purposes, we'll disregard the fact that there aren't many details to tell). So sorry, random dude. You're not getting them, either.
me: and what if it has?
mrpositive: that would really suck it's hasn't been close to that for me and I miss it
me: I don't really care about it.
mrpositive: about sex?
me: yeah.
mrpositive: when was the last time
me: does it matter?
mrpositive: no
me: then you don't need to know.
Because we're not having sex. Got it?
mrpositive: alright well you seem pretty negative
me: about what?
mrpositive: everything
me: I...don't get that at all. what did I say that's negative?
Seriously, I'm just being honest. I'm apparently negative because I don't like sex. That's what I'm getting from this. I actually think it's a sign of being fairly upbeat if one can handle living without it. Just sayin'.
mrpositive: now i guess i understand why u havent met anyone
OH NO YOU DID NOT.
me: don't be a dick. if you're going to say shit like that, back it up.
mrpositive: you have been nothing but negative
mrpositive: bye
me: but I asked you what I said and you wouldn't answer. that means you have no reason to say that. therefore... yeah, bye.
Whatever. I'm negative, you're lazy. Life goes on. But you're also a douche. So there.
(And yeah, I made a totally nerdy joke about negativity in the title. I'm just that awesome.)
This guy asked me for my AIM name right away. And I, uncharacteristically, gave it to him.
mrpositive: you have been on that site for 5 years
me: yep.
mrpositive: damn I just found it
mypositive meet alot of people on there?
me: not really, no.
mrpositive: y not
me: not sure. just don't.
mrpositive: so does that mean u haven't had a bf in over 5 years
Now, let's be clear: One can have a profile on OKCupid and not be single. So this is a marginally silly question.
me: yes.
mrpositive: thats shitty
me: I'm fine with it.
mrpositive: you don't want a bf
me: I don't want to settle, and I haven't met anyone I find worthy of a relationship.
mrpositive: it hasn't been 5 years for sex has it
I despise when men ask me about my sex life ten minutes into a conversation. There are tons of people that I've known for a very long time who don't know the details (for these purposes, we'll disregard the fact that there aren't many details to tell). So sorry, random dude. You're not getting them, either.
me: and what if it has?
mrpositive: that would really suck it's hasn't been close to that for me and I miss it
me: I don't really care about it.
mrpositive: about sex?
me: yeah.
mrpositive: when was the last time
me: does it matter?
mrpositive: no
me: then you don't need to know.
Because we're not having sex. Got it?
mrpositive: alright well you seem pretty negative
me: about what?
mrpositive: everything
me: I...don't get that at all. what did I say that's negative?
Seriously, I'm just being honest. I'm apparently negative because I don't like sex. That's what I'm getting from this. I actually think it's a sign of being fairly upbeat if one can handle living without it. Just sayin'.
mrpositive: now i guess i understand why u havent met anyone
OH NO YOU DID NOT.
me: don't be a dick. if you're going to say shit like that, back it up.
mrpositive: you have been nothing but negative
mrpositive: bye
me: but I asked you what I said and you wouldn't answer. that means you have no reason to say that. therefore... yeah, bye.
Whatever. I'm negative, you're lazy. Life goes on. But you're also a douche. So there.
(And yeah, I made a totally nerdy joke about negativity in the title. I'm just that awesome.)
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