Knowledge and the Pursuit of Happiness

Humans are curious creatures. Without this curiosity, this thirst for knowledge, the modern marvels we take for granted would never exist. There are so many great questions out there that have been asked...

If Columbus hadn't asked "Think we can get to India if we sail west from here?" we'd all still be living in Europe. If the Wright brothers hadn't thought, "Do you think we can build something to fly in?" there would be no air travel as we know it today. If that one guy hadn't had a really clumsy wife who kept cutting herself, we wouldn't have Band-aids, but he asked himself, "What can I do so that she doesn't keep bleeding all over the linoleum?"

Then there are questions that shouldn't be asked, questions that make the questioner look like a complete douche, questions that make the questee hit the desk with her forehead. Like this one:

(8:39:21 pm)R****: How come no bf yr cute

There is truly no good answer for this question, but let's consider some responses.

• Because no one's asked me.
• Because I'm secretly a man.
• Because I'm a crazy bitch.
• Because, like, there's this guy, yannow, and I'd, like, really like him to be my boyfriend, yannow, but he, like, is in, like, a bad spot in his life, and, like, it's just not working out, yannow, but, like, maybe something good'll happen, yeah? *gum snap/hair twirl*
• Because I'm overwhelmed by the number of quality men on this site, I can't decide on just one.

Don't forget about commenting for our giveaway or I shall be very sad!

As seen on TV.

I did a silly thing and subscribed for another month of Match.com. It was at 25% off. I like a sale.


Anyway. This was the first email I got. Let us bear in mind that my age limit is 38, and this man is 47, first of all.

wow......................I think if you saw me in person you'd say woaw,he's attr. & in good shape though a triathalon is just the kind of fitness level I lack,elyptical,bowflex,etc,I am usually occupied in...my muse would be appealing to me,as I have a 1200 sq. ft. gym in my home,perhaps I can entice you with one day,however,I liked your ad & I think, feel ,demonstrate & represent a much younger and energetic gentlman,generally I enjoy the company af a younger gal,as my stamina & endurance are a drive only the young can appreciate,so love your attitude & look....call me sweetie and lets see how well we relate to one another.Peter two three seven ninety sixty one,so b n touch

My thoughts:

1) This is the absolute worst form message I've ever seen.

2) Wow, way to make this all about you. Your overly-inflated ego is so hot.

3) "Entice" me with your gym? Thanks for calling me fat.

4) Yes, that is his phone number. I don't even care anymore.

5) His profile picture looks like it was taken at Sears Portrait Studio, and he has a pornstache.


Upon viewing his profile, more nuggets of fabulousness.

1) The headline: "ISO sexy moxie cosmo jib.I'm most interested in the person,their experience,their outlook,and the depth of their compassion,integrity." ...pardon?

2) He signed his message with "Peter," but says his name is "Bill" in the profile text.

3) He stresses how much he would like to video chat with women he meets.

4) The words "zestful mensch" are used.

5) I really think I saw a Dateline NBC special on this guy, and he's a con man. Just sayin'.


The real problem here? Deciding what witty remark I shall use in reply.

Sexy Lips

June 4, 2010
Random: sexy lips
Me: i'm sorry?

July 18, 2010
Random: sexy lips
Me: i'm sorry; what?

At least he's consistent with his openings.

Random: lol
Random: sexy lips
Me: o...kay.
Random: o.... sorry next time i will say no wonder your single.

You heard it here first. It's no wonder I'm single because I don't respond favorably when a person IMs me with nothing but an adjective+body part.

Me: i'm not the one who randomly IMs people with strange phrases without context.
Random: and i am not the one who gets all you can eat buffets closed down

A veritable bastion of class and maturity, this one.

I messaged him back that he was the one who messaged me first, but alas, he'd already signed off. For shame.

IRMEDD420 III: The Curse of IRMEDD420

I love it when I have repeat offenders.

Keep in mind that the conversation to this point has been him calling me "baby," then telling me which of the pictures on my profile he liked the best.

IRMEDD420: so you arent interested eh?
Me: should i be?
IRMEDD420: i think you should wanna go out
IRMEDD420: :)
Me: why's that?
IRMEDD420: b/c as i said your sexy

Apparently, the gentleman thinks that mama raised a fool. I did attempt to clarify, though...

Me: i should want to go out with you because you said i'm sexy?
IRMEDD420: lol

But, but, but isn't that what he just implied? It's times like these when I question my own reading comprehension.

IRMEDD420: uh i would hope you'd be attracted to me as well?
Me: so i should go out with you because you said i'm sexy and you hope i'd be attracted to you?

All I'm looking for is an answer--a simple, succinct answer...

IRMEDD420: listen...do you meet many people here?

Apparently, he thinks he's Socrates: "I will answer your question by asking you a question."

Me: a fair amount, i'd say.

This is a lie. In the year I've frequented OKCupid, I have met a grand total of four men. I wonder why that could possibly be.

IRMEDD420: how? when you try tp be all superior and act bitchy?
IRMEDD420: damn

Oh, right. That's why.

Me: i'm just trying to make sure i understand what you're asking!

That's a lie, too. I be trollin', I be hatin'...

IRMEDD420: just cause your sexy doesnt mean you can act pretentious
Me: why not?
IRMEDD420: seriously?

Me: how can you even question my seriousness?

IRMEDD420: b/c its okc aND WE HAVE NO inflection WE JUST TYPE

Me: fair enough.

They be hatin'...on my trollin'...

IRMEDD420:well i got other women dieing to abuse me lol
Me: i am sure.

Oh, you wanted an argument? I'm sorry; this is abuse. You'll want room 12A.

IRMEDD420:go be all snooty by your lonesome bitch

Somehow, I'm pretty sure that a couple of AAs and my right hand will give me more satisfaction than he ever could.

This Post Starring David Bowie's Area

OKCupid has a feature called "Icebreaker" wherein it gives you a topic and a "mystery match." You write out your little message about the topic and it sends it off to about three other people who supposedly have that interest also.

I received one today with the subject "pans labyrinth." The entire body of the message?

bowie balls. :D

Now, anyone who's seen Labyrinth is probably very familiar with David Bowie's Area, because it pretty much is the biggest star in the movie. The biggest...anything...in the movie, actually. So there's really no doubt to what, exactly, my mystery match was referring.

Except that the movie Labyrinth is VASTLY DIFFERENT from the movie Pan's Labyrinth.

One's sort of a fantasy word where a girl is searching for her baby brother who's been kidnapped, and one's REALLY FUCKING FREAKY.

And includes no Bowie balls. At all.

So to you, mystery match: failsauce.

Pedantic Ama Is Pedantic

Maybe it's just the English major in me that twitches when people don't actually respond to the question they're asked, but at least it keeps me from settling, right?

Take my new friend here: he popped up in my local matches, and the first thing I saw was this:

My Self-Summary
i need a woman who still understands what it means to be a woman. treat me like a man and I will honor you like the woman you are.

Forgive me for being pedantic, but that isn't really a summary of him, is it? Well, I guess the second sentence is, sorta, but the first sentence...it's pushing the limit in my opinion.

Even beyond that, what the hell does it even mean, exactly? "Understands what it means to be a woman"? Right now, I think that "meaning to be a woman" is having this pain radiating out of my lower back down my left leg whilst I enjoy other...uncomfortable things...that will last probably three more days.

Though I doubt that he'd want me to tell him about those particular trials and tribulations.

Or is he one of those guys who will tell his daughter that she can be anything she wants to be, but wants his wife pregnant and peeling grapes all the time? I can only assume that "treating him like a man" involves the aforementioned peeled grapes and copious amounts of fellatio.

I think we need some clarification.

Edit, 5/6/2010: One of my friends just informed me that she got this fine fellow in her QuickMatch. Dude gets around, doesn't he!

He works hard for the money.

Prior to this, the conversation was normal. We exchanged pleasantries, and he said he liked the picture of my cat. Then he awkwardly switches gears.


richfireman: iam firefighter Emt
me: I am...not.
richfireman: what do you do for work
me: retail.
richfireman: cool

Let's note that I haven't changed his chosen name that much; "fireman" is in it. So there wasn't a whole lot of doubt as to what he does for a living. Nor should there have been doubt about my occupation, since I mention it very clearly in my profile.


richfireman: i see you like to play pool
me: eh, yeah, I don't do it often.
richfireman: would like to play sometime
me: well I'm sure I'll play again eventually.

Would [I] like to play sometime? As someone who enjoys pool... Yes, yes I would. This is a silly question. At least I'm assuming it's a question, as it lacks the proper punctuation.


richfireman: i would like to ask you out on a date sometime if thats ok with you
me: it's fine if you ask me. but I'm going to say no.
richfireman: whys that
me: well I don't know enough about you to determine whether I want to consider that.
richfireman: thats ok
me: it's okay that I might not want to consider it? yes, it is.

Yeah, dude. Like I really needed your validation to say no. So I guess the next part was an attempt to share more about himself.


richfireman: so i work a lot
richfireman: my pay for this week is about 200 dollars

I...just... LOL. Is that supposed to impress me? I work a part-time retail job and make more than that. And lemme tell ya, it isn't even close to being enough. I don't really care how much money he makes, but I would like to know in which happy universe he lives where this is a lot of money. And if there are vacancies. But instead I told him I didn't really need to know that information, and...he had nothing else to say.


As I said on Twitter... I continue to be baffled by just how awkward people are online. Not good at face-to-face interaction? Great, neither am I. But why do 75% of these people seem like they just escaped from a cave and haven't spoken to a human being in years?

Like Sting I'm Tantric; Like Snickers Guaranteed to Satisfy

A while ago, I got a message in my OKCupid inbox that merely said “Hi.” No subject. There wasn’t even actually any punctuation in the original. Annoyed, as this was about the fiftieth (okay, I’m exaggerating) message I’ve gotten where the man in question put in zero effort, I shot back a reply:

This may seem like a strange question, but if you took the time to actually pull up the message sending screen and type out a word, wouldn't it have made sense to actually type a message worth responding to rather than just an uninteresting greeting?

Granted, I responded, but the message itself wasn’t really worth responding to. A moment of weakness, I know. I received the following in response:

I thought an uninteresting word might be better than an uninteresting message. I work as an economist, also go on a weekly radio show as a guest expert. am looking for a compatible companion. Am kind and understanding. i guess the best way to get to know each other is through the phone. Here`s my number, [telephone number redacted].

We all probably have figured out by now how I feel about people throwing their telephone numbers at me. Like I do, though, I took a look at his profile which reads something like Bartlett’s Familiar Quotations, How to Win Friends and Influence People, and The Joy of Sex had an ill-advised ménage à trois.

For example, his “Self-Summary” states

“God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.”

Hillary Clinton

Ignoring the fact that I believe that’s a Robin Williams quote (if he didn’t steal it from someone else—though I doubt that if he did, he stole it from Hillary Clinton), isn’t it generally considered bad form to basically say, “Hi, I’m male, and therefore have no self-control, so if I start humping your leg, just remember that it’s because I think you’re cute?”

Under the “What I’m doing with my life” section, the first thing it says is “Flirting” followed by pretty much what he said in his second sentence in the message to me.

His profile goes on to say that he’s “really good at”

Loving, sexual tension. theorizing. tantric. being childlike.

A man asked a woman, "Would you go to bed with me for $100 million?". She said yes. Then he asked, "would you go to bed with me for 50 cents". She shouted,"what sort of a woman do you think i am". He said "we`ve settled that, we`re just haggling about the price now".

There is one word in that entire bolded bit that is remotely interesting, and it’s not in the paragraph where he basically says that every woman’s a whore.

I am somewhat concerned, however, by the fact that the gentleman purports to be an economist, yet under the six things he could never do without he has “An investment in sex pays the best interest. Benjamin Franklin.” While he did manage to cite the correct person this time, I can’t help but wonder if he thinks the quote is six words or that it translates into

1. Sex
2. Sex
3. Sex
4. Sex
5. Sex
6. Sex

Either way, I’m pretty sure he isn’t the brightest bulb in the box if only because the next section reads “I spend a lot of time thinking about if I could have any woman in the world, would looks matter?”

The best part about being messaged by this fine example of masculinity is that today I got another message from him. This one just reads “Interested?”

I'm so charmed.

Do you understand the words coming out of my fingers?

This eloquent gentleman sent me an IM last night.


mrilliterate: what up
me: hello.
mrilliterate: u have yahoo or aol
me: yes.
mrilliterate: add me

Uh, excuse you. Don't tell me what to do. And we're talking here. What's the rush?


me: why would I do that?
mrilliterate: to talk more
me: and how do I know I want to talk to you?
mrilliterate: lol
me: oh, great answer.

At this point, I'm wondering if he can even comprehend sentences longer than two words...


mrilliterate: how do i look
me: is that supposed to be the deciding factor?
mrilliterate: k

That's...not an answer.


mrilliterate: what u think of my profile
me: haven't read it. I'm unimpressed with the sentence fragments I'm seeing here thus far.

He doesn't know what that means.

Then just when I thought he was gone...


mrilliterate: u read it yet
me: yes.
mrilliterate: what u think
me: what do you think I think?
mrilliterate: idk
me: did you read MY profile? because then I think you'd know.

He's a hardcore Christian, and he's into things like four-wheeling and NASCAR. He mentions he had to have someone type out his profile for him so that it was comprehensible. Oh, and he lives 1000 miles away. No thanks.


mrilliterate: no
me: oh, so I'm expected to read yours but you can't give me the same courtesy? that's nice of you.
mrilliterate: nice

He's reminding me of someone who is clearly not listening when someone else is talking, so they pick out key words and repeat them to make it appear as if they're paying attention. Those nineteen words were obviously TL;DR for him.


me: I'm pretty sure you just sent me an IM because I have boobs.
mrilliterate: no
me: then why if you don't even know what I'm about?
mrilliterate: just u was on and your pic was cuite
me: same thing.

First of all... "You was"? That makes me twitchy. And second... I really, sincerely do not understand this. We have online dating profiles so that we can learn something about a person first and not waste their time talking when we're not compatible. Unless I'm wrong and "your pic was cuite" is enough upon which to base a relationship.


Thankfully he got the hint after that. Oy.

Also, He Is Single, Easy Going, and Gentle

I woke up one morning, and had this waiting for me in my inbox:

Hiya,

How are you? You are truly a beautiful woman, and it would be my privilege to be able to talk with you and get to know you more If intrested please add my ID: shanxxxx@yahoo.com or shanxxxx@gmail.com. Thanks

-Shan

And, for a moment, I thought, "Well, that's kinda cheesy, but cute in a way, so let's take a look at his profile because the last thing we want to do is to make snap decisions, yeah?" So I looked.

I have a theory, and one that may be totally off-base, but I have this theory that he's looking for someone who's sincere, loyal, honest, and doesn't play games. I also get this feeling that she has to have a great sense of humour because he's very sarcastic and she has to be able to keep up.

But that's just this sort of feeling I have. No idea how I could have come to that kind of notion, though.

Bitchin' About Bitches!

Hi all what's up I'm bored and sick of meeting dumb girls at the bars. They always turn out screwed up in some way. I hate clingy whiney girls. I like a girl that knows what she wants and goes out there and gets it . I'm adventurous I love the outdoors and riding my motorcylce

Problems as I see them:

1. That's his entire profile.

2. He spends over half of his profile complaining about women.

3. Knowing what one wants and going out to get it is not mutually exclusive from being dumb, screwed up, clingy, or whiney (sic).

4. I have no idea what a motorcylce is, but I imagine it's some kind of prehistoric amphibian.

Too Much Honesty, Part III: The Thrilling Conclusion

And now, the end to my conversations with Honest. The last thing I said on our last conversation was simply “lol.” A few hours later, he IMed me again.

Honest: eh?
Honest: hi

I’m guessing that he walked away before he had read my final message. We exchanged some pleasantries, and then he said,

Honest: missed talking to you

Uh, what? That’s strange considering he was the one who stomped off in a schoolgirl huff.

Honest: wanna snuggle?

Well, that was quick.

Then he asked me what my OKCupid name was because he forgot to save it, but never fear that we strayed into normality for too long because where there’s a will, there’s a way…

Honest: wanna make love?
Me: you are quite persistent.
Honest: ?
Me: i feel like you've asked me that before.
Honest: well i want to
Me: so i gathered.

At this point, I began to seriously consider multiple personalities or extreme marijuana use. Then, I thought, “No, he can’t not remember that we talked earlier today,” but then he asked me if I was a virgin…which…he’d already asked me previously, so…I’m thinking MPD, but they’re all the same personality.

Honest: and you do too but woried out being used

Let’s consider this for a moment. If I’m worried about being used, on what earth would the best approach be to just keep asking me to snuggle and “make love?”

Honest: talk to me
Honest: i'm not going to use or hurt you
Me: that is nice of you to say.
Honest: whats your deal??
Me: about what?
Honest: why are you so hard to get a real reply out of
Me: what real reply would you like?
Honest: a real one
Honest: not cold or removed?

I have not the words.

Honest: talk to me
Me: about what?
Honest: hellooo
Honest: wake up
Honest: snap out of it
Honest: talk to me

I think, perhaps, he wants me to talk to him.

Me: about what?
Honest: .......
Honest: nevermind bye
Me: ta!
Honest: i cant stand people with nothing interesting to say

I thought he was leaving…but, since he opened up that can of worms…

Me: are you kidding me?
Me: your entire repertoire has been "i want to make love" and you're telling me i have nothing to say?
Me: please.
Honest: i actualyl asked you to talk to me a bunch
Honest: and fuck you

Which is exactly what he’d been trying to do for the duration of our conversation, and it still hadn’t worked, so I’m wondering if he was trying a more direct approach or if he was trying to be insulting. Gah, I can never figure out men.

My response, again, was “lol,” and…you guessed it…about an hour later, he responded with “?” Rather than start up another conversation and have this continue on to Part IV, I responded with something like “oh, you’re back again?” I think he got the hint.

But if any Psychology majors (or amateur psychologists) want to explain to me what just happened, I’m all ears. ;)

Too Much Honesty, Part II: Electric Boogalo

Of course, if it were as simple as just my last entry, then I doubt Honest would have gotten much of a mention. The second time we talked, he waxed less philosophical and focused mainly on, well…

Honest: how tall are you?
Me: about 5'4

Wait, what? How tall am I? What’s next—he’s going to ask me how much I weigh ‘cause there ain’t no way I’m divulging that information…

Honest: are you any good at kissing?

While I suppose that makes more sense, it’s not the next question I’d expect after “how tall are you?” even if “how tall are you?” was a question I would have expected in the first place.

It was around this point that I gave him my AIM name because the OKCupid IM client was acting up for him. He IMs me with…

Honest: apologie axepted

…which makes no sense whatsoever even if I translate it into “apology accepted” because I hadn’t apologized about anything. Then we get into the nitty gritty.

Honest: what turns you on?
Me: hm. i'm not sure.
Honest: how many guys have you been with?
Me: do you think that would make a difference?
Honest: i'm just curious

Just once, I'd love a guy to answer the question I asked because I'd really, really like to know the answer.

Oh, and "just curious" indeed. Keep in mind that the first time we spoke, he spoke at length about how the whole one man/one woman paradigm was a ridiculous social construct, yet he’s interested in how many guys I’ve slept with. Hm.

Honest: so would you care to snuggle then?
Me: i don't normally jump right into snuggling. :P
Honest: i didn't know jumping was involved!!!
Me: i don't normally segue straight into snuggling?
Honest: i see
Honest: well how do you go from not to snuggling then?
Honest: time travel?
Me: dinner's usually a nice start. lol
Honest: dinner where?
Me: a mutually agreeable spot? i donno. :P
Honest: huh?

Suddenly I'm Chris Tucker in Rush Hour typing very slowing "Do you understand the words that are comin' off of my fingers?"

Me: i suppose i'm saying that i usually see if there's any spark at all before i actually snuggle someone.
Honest: well i feel it, if you don't hmm

This is the second time we’ve spoken and he feels a spark. I'm beginning to feel like men are flint and tinder whereas women are...like...wet wood on a cloudy day, but you really want the fire, so you put all this effort into getting the wood and putting it in the fireplace and trying to start a fire, but the damn wood's too wet, so you trudge back out to the woodpile and start looking for a better piece of wood, but you can't find one and you get so frustrated that you kick the dog and...

Wait, where was I going with that?

Honest: i want you
Me: why?
Honest: you seem sexy fun & yum
Me: so what turns you on?
Honest: you

OMG! NO WAI!!

That is one of the clichéd things EVER.

Honest: i need food
Me: then i suggest you eat! :D
Honest: ok, when do we get to make love?
Me: you seem a bit fixated.
Honest: fixated?
Me: on this whole making love thing.
Honest: or maybe you have had a long dry spell so talking about it seems, to you, like its being said lot

I prefer to call it a “self-imposed self-introspective journey into the workings of my sexual psyche,” but I suppose “dry spell” works, too. Or I could just be picky.

And as one of my male friends said: "Isn't 'have sex' or 'fuck' more appropriate in this context?"

But this...this, I think, is my favourite part:

Me: you have no idea who i am, yet you want to have sex with me.
Honest: did you read my profile?
Me: mmhmm
Honest: did you see the part where it says i read people
Me: mmhmm

Snip from his profile, which I’ll admit I didn’t remember because I didn’t bother to look at it the second time he messaged me:

Trying to "know" someone is about as useful and real as trying to "see" darkness. If you truly know yourself, you all ready know everyone else. Please stop with this typical bullshit. No one is a stranger, if you think so, i deeply pity you.

(Editor's Note: I looked through his whole profile and couldn't really find a reference to "reading people" anywhere in it, so I'm guessing he meant that part)

Whoops.

Honest: so why say the "no idea who i am" bit?
Me: i mean literally. i could be a 55 year old man.
Honest: yea and i could be the pope
Me: which is sort of my point. i've kept myself out of the headlines of being abducted by a strange man on the internet by not hooking up with strange men on the internet.
Honest: ok so now i'm "a strange man from the internet"
Me: until proven otherwise, everyone is a strange person on the internet.
Honest: what a middle ages aproach to personal interaction
Me: no, a middle ages approach would be letting my father decide who i marry because he wants to secure some land or an alliance.
Honest: i was talking more of the inquisition
Me: so you're offended?
Honest: no, it just makes you look kinda backwards & repressed
Me: lol
Me: because i won't just meet up with you and snuggle?
Honest: no, because you are claiming i'm a stranger
Me: you are a stranger until i've actually met you.
Honest: then we have nothing further to discuss

Nothing further to discuss? I suppose that means there will be no Part III of this saga…oh, wait…

Stay tuned for the grand finale!

This is why we do not talk about boobs.

This guy had IMd me several times prior. The first time, he was a little creepy, but meant well. So I talked to him for a while. Then he got creepier, like calling me by my full name after Facebook-stalking me, and constantly asking me if I was talking to other guys, so I tried to get rid of him. But that was in July. He's gotten a bit more direct since then, it would seem.

weirdguy: hey
weirdguy: nice cleavage there - flaunt it
me: ugh.
weirdguy: just stating facts'
weirdguy: but yes - i guess i need to get laid soon to - right?
me: how would I know?
weirdguy: looking at the pic and noticing only the cleavage perhaps is a giveaway?
me: that just makes me think you're kind of an ass.
weirdguy: all men are - lookss like you never had one to know that

You all saw that I didn't start that, right? He brought it on himself, then decided to go for the low blow when I didn't like his approach. I totally didn't start that.

me: well that's a very nice thing to say.
weirdguy: only as nice as you are
me: if you say so.
weirdguy: just said it - didnt i?
me: "if you say so" does not imply doubt as to whether you actually said so.
me: you're not very good at this.
weirdguy: does evince a marked degree of compositional activity
weirdguy: that tends to have a rhythm
weirdguy: however, checkered by incompetence
weirdguy: correct - not very good at this

LOLWUT? Someone got a new "word of the day" calendar.

me: and what is it you're after?
weirdguy: friends with benefits
me: you won't get it here.
weirdguy: figured that out when i knew you didnt understand men
me: what I don't understand are generalizations. that's all.
me: and for the record, you either have a brain, or at the very least, a thesaurus. lead with that rather than comments about a woman's tits and maybe you'll get a better response.
weirdguy: no point in wasting my time there
me: well it's unfortunate you feel it's a waste of time.

What a chore, showing a potential partner you're more than a penis with limbs. I mean, what good could potentially come of that? Booooring.

weirdguy: what to do - not getting anywhere with this
me: you should have figured that out before you even sent me a message. we've talked before, you were still an ass then, and I was still uninterested.
weirdguy: women turn around when they have not had a man in their lives for a long time - guess not you

So I'm supposed to finally get so sick of being alone that I lower my standards just enough to be with the likes of you? And again with the generalizations.

weirdguy: good luck with your life
me: lol, okay. back at ya.
weirdguy: i am all set for now - thank you - bye bye
me: try not to IM me again, thanks.
weirdguy: sure - will "try" not to

Ten bucks says I hear from him again. Because they never remember they've talked to you before, no matter how horribly it went. And despite the fact that the site saves all your chat logs and shows them in the current IM window.


And here's a short but confusing exchange from last night.

40somethingdude: you need to be an older man.........
me: why would I want to be an older man?
40somethingdude: duh????
me: I'm afraid I don't understand what you're getting at.

Is this reference to my "gay man in a straight woman's body" comment? His profile said he was straight, so that would make no sense. Did he mean "be WITH an older man"? He should have caught that when I didn't get it. I just... I don't know. Perceptive, this one.

The Application

I wish I could make this kind of thing up because then…then I could look myself in the eye every morning and say, “Yes, the world is a beautiful place, but I will add some smattering of the bizarre into it and everyone will marvel at my total lack of connection with reality.”

Tagline: I pretty much have the coolest birthday. Ever.

That is actually interesting and made me think “Oooh, that’s a pretty cool approach. I wonder what ‘the coolest birthday ever’ IS.” So then I went all clicky-click on his handle and found this as his profile:

GIRLFRIEND APPLICATION

Copy and paste this into an email, fill it out, and send it back if you'd like to know more about me. Feel free to include references.

First Name:

Age:

Height:

Hometown:

Current town:

Did you go to college? If so where?:

What do you do for a living? Do you like it?

Describe your idea of a perfect day.

There's an unseasonalby warm Saturday in November, say 80 degrees. We had no set plans all day other than to hang out with one another. What would you like to do?

Write a few words below telling me why you think you would make a good girlfriend.

Buh-wah? Girlfriend…application…? Girlfriend application. An application to be his girlfriend? A. Girlfriend. Application.

I could chalk it up to a joke if he had then gone on and described himself. Or perhaps described himself first, but no. That's it. That's his entire profile.

I have not the words.

Application DENIED

This wasn't initially what I was going to post today, but it popped into my inbox and I think it warrants a closer look.

The following comes from Ervin on chemistry.com whose tagline simply reads "good looking."

I think that nursing has a great future. I’m interested in nursing problems for many years and now I have a strong desire to help people. I seek out opportunities for growth and development in my new role. According to structure career development opportunities and to my future plans I believe that as every nurse I shall be able actualize my goals within chosen career path with the opportunity for professional growth and advancement. There were received important knowledge during my courses and I feel myself ready to practical activity. I knew theoretical aspects of nursing science and also I have several interesting ideas how to change nowadays situation that will promote the improvement of patient care system. Improving healthcare quality for effective patient centered care we will improve own practical skills that will bring to the best results in future. In my opinion direct contact with expert staff physicians is one more opportunity to achieve career growth because only qualified specialists can help me to become great in chosen area. I think that every nurse should use opportunity to develop own professional skills and increase the level of knowledge because we are responsible for people’s health and life.

I applaud Ervin for his dedication to the medical field. I am pleased to know that there are men out there interested in the nursing field and who want the very best for their patients. It makes any hypothetical trips to the hospital less scary knowing that I might be helped by someone like Ervin who has a strong desire to help people and wants to use every opportunity to develop his professional skills and knowledge.

My only problem with it, really, is...if he's interested in me on a dating website, why did I need to see his résumé?